Update 11/16/25: Manna for the Day

Exodus 16:4 "Then the Lord said to Moses, 'I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day."  

The past few days have been bittersweet. My emotions feel like a roller coaster! Joy and excitement over the upcoming wedding and birthday celebrations, but deep pain and sorrow with seeing Wayne decline. The reality of what is coming really hit the other day. Thankfully, I had a counseling appointment already scheduled and that really helped. My counselor gave me a book called "Tear Soup". It was a little silly, but filled with so much truth about grief and tears. I don't know if it's the book's fault or just the accumulation of emotions, but I couldn't stop crying at church today. I felt like a hot mess. I'm not usually one to cry in public, but I just couldn't stop. 

A friend who has experienced the loss of her husband, reminded me the other day to enjoy every moment and not to fret about the future. I am trying to take the wisdom to heart, but it is hard when Wayne keeps telling me new things that are occurring.

My mom also wrote me the other day and reminded me that I just need manna for today, which perfectly aligns with Matthew 6:34 where we are told not to worry about tomorrow. But the word picture of manna spoke deeper to me. I have always been a planner and like to have back up plans to the back up plan (IYKYK). Unfortunately, the last 10+ years since Wayne was first diagnosed, that has gone out the window. But I find myself thinking about where will I find a job, how will I juggle kids and a job, do I need to do "x", how will I do "Y"? When my mom sent me that line, it hit. God has always taken care of us and provided everything we need. Not that I can just sit back and expect everything to be done without me lifting a finger, but God has always taken care of us. Just as He provided exactly what the Israelites needed in the desert each day with their daily food, He will take care of us too. Jesus is our daily bread!

Here is a poem that my mom wrote about this daily manna - she is so talented and just came up with this on a whim!

Manna for the Day: Jannetje Anita Thomas

God tells us don't look forward, 

with worries and with fears.

He says don't keep on living,

the hurts or times of tears.

What Jesus said about each hour

and all that comes our way,

is God has only promised

Manna for today.

God gives us:

Manna for today,

manna only for the day

The strength He had given 

It is manna for today

The strength for livin'

The Israelites who wandered

Through a barren desert land.

Questioned God's great goodness

And didn't understand. 

For Egypt they were longing,

And asked for more to eat.

The anger and the questions,

Filled them with defeat.

BUT,

God gave them:

Manna for today,

manna only for the day

His bread is daily given

It is manna for today

The strength we need for livin'

Wayne Update:

So where are we with Wayne? He is still pushing through, but he can feel himself getting weaker each day. 

He has informed me that after the wedding, he will go in a wheelchair to keep himself from falling and hurting himself. We spoke with his oncologist on Friday evening. He suggested that Wayne take a low dose of steroids to give him some extra strength until the wedding. Wayne has always said that he didn't want to go on steroids, because he has been around this world long enough to see that it just puts off the inevitable. BUT, he wants to be his best for Davis and Grace, so he is taking it for the two weeks and then will get off of it. Each day it is hard to hear him express other things that are harder to do or things he is unable to do on his own anymore. 

We are constantly talking over everything with the kids to help prepare them. But how do you really prepare yourself for someone to die? Anticipatory grief is real and we have all had moments of it the past few days. It seems like each worsening or new symptom causes more tears and grief. But, we will choose to focus on the manna for the day that God gives us and not worry about tomorrow...because God has that in His hands.

So, to remember and celebrate Wayne before brain cancer, I will start sharing another sermon series he preached between 2010-2014 on the book of Ecclesiastes. The plan is to share these over the next few weeks as I give updates on him.  

Update 11/11/25: Trusting in the Unknown

Psalm 9:10 "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You."

I have wanted to give a quick update, but life has been crazy. I guess when you are planning a wedding in under 40 days, it can be chaotic. Miriam, Davis' mom, and I make a great team and all the plans are coming together. I figure that last few days before the wedding is when it will really hit.

Update Wayne:

Wayne is hanging in there, but he can feel himself getting weaker by the week. He told me today that PT today was a complete struggle. He keeps pushing though and wants to keep trying. Grace took him to the gym last week to walk, since she didn't want him falling in the neighborhood while he walked. He fell again, which made it 3 times in 7 days. The last three days he has had headaches and his good hand has had tremors. It is so hard not to read into things or to allow fear to fill my heart. Each new symptom and weakness in Wayne stirs so many different emotions. In those moments, I have to really just rest in what I know about God and trust Him.

 I'm so thankful that Davis and Grace decided to move their wedding up so he can walk her up the aisle. 18 more days!

Wayne looks so good, it is hard to believe sometimes that he has terminal brain cancer.

Shan had an appointment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital to start a medicine for his PIK3CA condition. We are hopeful that this medicine will help decrease the growth in his leg.

Baking sourdough bread has given me pleasure and helps with the stress...plus, Wayne loves it. I try to find little ways to make Wayne happy.

Joella and I enjoyed some fun activities today for her day off from school. We have been trying to find ways to relieve stress in our lives with all that is going on. Today was Hallmark and diamond art.

The other day our stress reliever was playing with my friend's puppies. Nothing like some puppy snuggles to take your mind off of life.

This past Saturday, some ladies from both our church and Grace's church threw Grace a bridal shower. It was such a blessing to have these amazing ladies step up and help us make Grace feel extra special before her wedding.

A few of the ladies that helped make this day happen!

Grace and I forgot to get a picture together at the shower, so we quickly snagged on at home. I love this girl and I'm so excited for her and Davis!

I thought that I would share this poem written by a woman in my GBM support group. It speaks so clearly of what we are experiencing right now. Below that is the third part of Wayne's sermon on 1 Peter.

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The Unseen Weight of the Caregiver

There is a silence that follows you when you become a caregiver—

not the peaceful kind, but the kind that echoes with the life you once had.

A life filled with movement, laughter, and plans, now replaced by the steady rhythm of duty.

You carry more than a body; you carry a whole world of fears and uncertainties.

You remember the person you loved as they were—

their voice, their spark, the way they filled a room.

And yet, the one beside you now is a different version,

fragile in body, dependent in ways you never imagined.

You mourn them while they are still here,

a grief with no funeral,

an ache that has no end date.

Friends drift away, not always out of cruelty,

but because your pain unsettles them,

reminding them of life’s fragility.

And in the quiet hours,

you wonder if the time you have left—

when this chapter closes—

will be enough to reclaim yourself.

Or if the “you” that once existed

has already faded beyond recognition.

You have been the “should” for so long—

the one who must be strong,

the one who must endure—

that you’ve almost forgotten what it feels like

to simply be.

This is the unseen weight you carry:

the exhaustion of the body,

the erosion of the self,

the love that holds you here,

and the quiet hope

that one day, you will find yourself again

By Penelope Moraitou "just a caregiver"

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Part 3 Wayne's Sermon: 1 Peter