Year of the Ox and Ice

Job 38:22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail..."

Since 2017, we have enjoyed adding new cultural experiences to our family’s holidays. Every year we celebrate Chinese New Year as a family. We try to bring other people along side to introduce them to the amazing culture of China. I have such a deep love for the Chinese people. I love reading the biographies of missionaries who traveled to China so many years ago: Gladys Alyward, Hudson Taylor, and Lottie Moon. I also love reading real accounts from believers currently in China. When I traveled to China to get the boys, I fell even more in love with China and the people there. If God ever called me to go to China to be a missionary, I would jump at the chance. But God is amazing because even though I'm in Kentucky, God has given us numerous unique opportunities with people in China. Wayne and I talk weekly with his English partner and his wife who lived in the US for a year and then went home. COVID made meeting in person difficult while they were here, but Zoom and technology has allowed us the opportunity to continue building our friendship from across the ocean. Additionally, Shan Chen has an amazing tutor in China that we meet with 2 times a month. It is crazy how many people God has put in our lives that are Chinese. I always thought I'd have to travel to China to be a missionary, and yet God has given us opportunities right from the comfort of our home.

A few days ago, we experienced something unique: an ice storm. Even though we lived in Chicago 18 years and had numerous blizzards, we have never had an ice storm like we had in Kentucky! Although I agree with my northern friends that people in the south aren’t great drivers in winter weather, it’s also more interesting here: less plows and salt, hills (something flat Chicago has no clue about), etc. But I’ll be the first to admit when I heard an ice storm I thought, “How bad can this be?” I learned really quickly how crazy it can become in an ice storm. Literally our whole world became an ice rink and everything was encapsulated in ice, even the grass! It was so beautiful and scary at the same time. Now we received word that on Monday we are supposed to get more ice and possibly 8-12” of snow! The only thing that keeps me from moving further south for warmth is the knowledge that winter here doesn’t last very long and I can survive. Instead of complaining, I’ll enjoy God’s beauty from the comfort of my warm home!

Below are pictures from our Chinese New Year celebration. 2021 is the year of the ox! Every year we add more ornaments to our tree. The boys just beam with excitement when we set everything up to celebrate their heritage. This year we hired a friend from Chicago to make them a special gift for New Year. The boys had them displayed in their bedroom. It was worth every penny to see their reactions when they received them. Adoption isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it. Not only do you get to obey Gods command to care for orphans, but you open your heart to embrace more cultures around you and learn outside your comfort zone. I’m so thankful that God brought us our boys and has given us the privilege to show God’s love to them and to others in China. 

Over the years I have learned new culinary skills. Shan Chen has proudly told me that I make Chinese food as good as people in China and way better then Kentucky Chinese food. 😂 I upgraded to a cast iron wok since my other ones kept losing their coating. Next, I would love to upgrade to a street vendor wok! 

The Phone Call That Changed My Life

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

I love the verse above because six years ago I learned what God's comfort is like in my darkest days. Six years ago, I received a phone call that forever altered my life. It was six years ago that Wayne called me from Northwestern Hospital to inform me that he had a grand mal seizure at work. Although it has been many years, those moments are forever branded in my mind...the fear and the unknown of what was going on as I traveled on the train to get to Wayne in the hospital. Little did I know just how much my life would change in a short time. When I arrived at the hospital, Wayne told me that the doctors had found a mass in his brain and that he was getting ready to have an MRI. He said that the doctor prepared him to hear the news that it was probably cancer. When he spoke those words, I felt the air just sucked out of me. Cancer? How can this be? I didn't understand then that God had a crazy story that He started weaving that day. 

As I reflect back, I know that God was spending at least a year preparing us for this difficult road we were going to walk. God is so good to us that He doesn't just send us into battle unprepared. He prepares us, even if we aren't aware of it at the time. In fact, Facebook reminded me of some posts I wrote just days before Wayne's grandmal seizure:

"It is not enough to begin to pray, nor to pray aright; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray; but we must pray patiently, believing, continue in prayer until we obtain an answer." George Mueller (1 Thess. 5:17 Pray without ceasing; Romans 12:12 ...be constant in prayer; Matt. 6:6; Eph. 6:18). I love studying the life of George Mueller. May I walk by faith and not by sight!!!"

"So thankful that God's mercies are new every morning and that we serve an amaing God. I LOVE the new devotional we are doing called "God's Names". So far we have studied Elohim (Creator) and Jehovah/Yahweh/I AM. Highly recommend this study to any of my friends with kids looking for a devotional. It goes deep and helps teach kids a proper view of our magnificent God."

"'My Heart is Yours' is a powerful song! God's timing is always perfect and He is enough! I was singing this song with the girls this afternoon." This post was written as I was on the train to go see Wayne at the hospital. God's timing is always perfect and I can see now how He was preparing my heart for the difficult road ahead.

Recently in my life group at church we have been talking about sharing the gospel. One thing I have discovered in sharing my faith with others is that if you share how God has moved in your life, no one can dispute that fact. They may try to argue things about the Bible and argue about other things about God, but when you share about the power of God in your life, it is irrefutable. No one can argue with you that what you have experienced isn't true. That is how I see our journey with Wayne's terminal brain cancer. We have seen nothing but the powerful hand of God every step in the last six years and this provides us a great opportunity to share with others about what an awesome God we serve!

In reference to the verse above, Wayne and I have been privileged to walk along others who have suffered from brain cancer. We have been able to point them to Jesus as our only hope in those dark days and share how He has been our comfort. I cannot explain what it feels like to be able to share your testimony of how God worked in your life, and is still working to this day, with someone who doesn't know Jesus. What can you share from your life with others that points them to Jesus?

Our family knows that every day God gives us with Wayne is a precious gift. Not only is it a gift because of his presence in our lives, but his cancer was a gift because we learned how to treasure each day. Although living with the knowledge that you have a loved one with a terminal illness is daunting, it is also freeing because you can talk about things most people don't want to talk about and you are able to prepare yourself, as much as humanly possible, for what is to come. We know that we need to cherish every moment with our kids and each other. This is a blessing in disguise. There are many people who lose a loved one unexpectedly and don't have the time to say goodbye or prepare. We have been given the gift of time to prepare.

Another special gift was our e-retreat with Inheritance of Hope last year. They gave us the special gift of providing Wayne the opportunity to make a video for each of our kids. They also encouraged him to write letters to each of the kids. After hearing from kids who have lost their parents and the impact the letters and videos made in their lives, I wrote a letter to each child too. I want them to know how much they are loved and cherished...not only by us, but by God. That is one reason I started this blog, to document the faithfulness of God through our journey. I wanted our kids to have something to read in the future that demonstrated how awesome of a God we serve. I never want my kids to forget that it was God who gave us the strength to endure such a dark and difficult trial. Our deepest desire is to raise kids who love Jesus with all their heart and fully trust Him with everything. Life is difficult, but with Jesus on your side, He gives you hope and a purpose.

We rejoice today in the six extra years that God has given us with Wayne. It is cray how much trauma affects the brain. Even just posting about all of this and bringing up old pictures has stirred so much emotion in my heart. The biggest emotion is gratitude to Jesus for leaving my best friend a little longer here on earth. Together as a team, we want to keep living each day that we have to the fullest for Him and His glory! (If anyone is new to our story, you can click here to go back and read our story).

Wayne getting an EEG

 

 

Wayne after his biopsy

 

Family photos taken before his brain surgery

 

 

 

Wayne after his brain surgery to remove a lemon sized tumor

 

The girls visiting Wayne in the hospital after surgery.

 

 

 Wayne in rehab: relearning how to walk and talk

             

 

 

A Change of Perspective

 Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." 

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

Recently, I had an interesting conversation with an old friend from Moody. We had not seen each other for a few years, so we caught up on what has been happening in our lives. I shared with her everything from Wayne's cancer, to our adoption, move, and the recent developments with our children. I confessed to her that I had struggled many times with what God had allowed in our lives. I told her I've wrestled with God about allowing the difficult road of mental health with our son. I explained that I felt betrayed by God at times since we obeyed Him and then He allowed this difficult situation to happen. I told her, "I just wonder why God couldn't throw me a softball. I mean we stepped out in faith and adopted with an unknown future with Wayne's health, and now this difficult thing has happened. It just feels like so much." After I spoke those words, she said something that has forever changed my perspective. She replied back, "Maybe Wayne still being here with you is God's softball to you."

Wow! Those words struck a chord in my heart. Here I had been focusing on the wrong thing all along. I was focused on the negative of my situation, dealing with mental health and other issues that have arisen with our son. In that one moment, my perspective changed. I always knew that God was faithful and was walking by our side through all of this, but I had never stopped to think that God's answer to my plea was leaving Wayne here with me to help me get through this difficult journey. God knew exactly how difficult this road would be and He gave me my helpmate to walk along my side.

I started further reflecting on this truth in other areas of my life. God, are there other areas that I have been focusing on the wrong thing? It reminded me of Corrie ten Boom's "Life is but a Weaving". God is weaving a beautiful story in my life and sometimes all I see is the underside with all the knots and strings looking crazy, but God is up above and He sees the beautiful tapestry He is weaving. I just have to remember that God has a different perspective then me and He is writing a story with my life that will bring Him the most glory and will transform me into the woman He wants me to be.

Life is but a Weaving

My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me.

I cannot choose the colors

 He weaveth steadily.

Oft' times He weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver's skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those

Who leave the choice to Him.

-Corrie ten Boom

The question I face daily is will I surrender to God's plans or will I try to do it my way? I want to walk through life with a change of perspective...to ask God to see things with His eyes.

I think a change of perspective is in order in the church in America. I think that we need to realign our allegiance to God first because this earth is not our home. For too long we have put our hope in our country and not put our hope in God. Sure, we may say that we put our hope in God, but if we really believe God to be God, are we living like we believe that truth? If we say God is sovereign, that He is the one who establishes leaders and brings them down (Romans 13), then isn't the result of any election within His plan? God has been trying to get our attention for years and change our perspective in this life. Satan desires nothing else than to destroy God's plan of salvation and bring destruction to as many people as he can. If he keeps the church busy fighting with each other over politics and non-critical theology issues, he is keeping us from being a light to the world and sharing the gospel. If he keeps us busy pursuing the things of this world, we lose focus on what truly matters and fail to share the love of Jesus with others. 

I know that God showed me some areas that I need a change of perspective. Maybe God is revealing something in your life that needs to be addressed too. May we fully surrender and trust our Sovereign God who holds the past, present, and future in His hands. To quote Corrie ten Boom again, "Never be afraid to trust and unknown future to a known God." If we know Jesus as our Savior, we can rest in His plan for our lives. We may not understand this side of heaven why He allows things in our lives, but it doesn't change the fact that He is in control and has our best interest at heart. I know that I am going to ponder and meditate on that truth this week. In the midst of this world that is full of turmoil, I'm glad that I can trust a Sovereign God to guide me each step.

Momentous Milemarker

 Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two life down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

On January 9, Wayne and I will be celebrating 22 years of marriage. In our house, this is an extra exciting time because we didn't know if we would ever reach 20 years of marriage, let alone 22, when Wayne was diagnosed with brain cancer. This year to celebrate our anniversary, we embarked on an adventure. As I've been reflecting on our recent trip, I have concluded that Wayne and I make a good team. We have learned how to combine our passions into something we can do together. Wayne recently purchased another car for our household of growing drivers. He loves looking online for good deals. One of his main criteria for a vehicle is that it be from out west where they do not salt their roads. Since we tend to buy 20 year old cars, you do not want an old car that has been exposed to salt. He found an amazing deal for a car located in California. We had made plans to travel to California in early December, but COVID was ramping up in CA and we decided that we needed to wait after the state shut down. We quickly realized that it was not going to decrease any time soon and we made plans to travel after the holidays. 

Wayne knew that we would be traveling through some states that I haven't run in, and he offered to bring a bike so that I could run in those states. Here is where we have blended our passions: his passion for a good deal and my passion to finish my bucket list of running a half marathon in every state. Not exactly every couple's idea of an anniversary trip. But hey, no kids and traveling across the country with countless hours to talk? That sounds heavenly to me!

Sunday was a terribly long day since we had to get up at 3am (EST) to catch our flight out of Louisville. We didn't make it to our hotel in Palm Desert until 12pm (PST). Yes, we were up over 24 hours on our crazy adventure. On Sunday, we enjoyed Round Table pizza in the car as we drove from Sacramento to Fresno to pick up our car, which was being stored at our friend Laurie's house. It was great getting to catch up with her, even though it was only for a short time. We then head toward Bakersfield to head south. We stopped for a quick pitstop at my friend Brooke's house to say hi to her. I haven't seen her since China.

Brooke and me

Passed through one of the towns I lived in as a kid. Ripon, CA

Round Table Pizza!

Laurie and me in Fresno, CA. We've been friends for 20 years after meeting at Moody Bible Institute and I'm so thankful for her friendship. She helped guide us at the beginning with Wayne's cancer and helped us decipher all the medical jargon.

From Bakersfield we headed to In'n'Out for dinner before driving all the way to Palm Desert. The sunrise on Monday in Palm Desert was so beautiful. Since we didn't get in until really late and we discovered how early the sun sets in Las Cruces, we decided that Monday would be a travel day and I would run at White Sands National Park on Tuesday morning instead of Monday afternoon. It was 34 when we left the hotel Tuesday morning in Las Cruces and I thought it was cold, but I could suck it up for my run. When we dropped into the desert, it dropped to 21 degrees! I finished my running my half, but it was miserable and mentally a hard one to complete because I was so cold. I also didn't account for the high altitude. So cold, thin air made running very difficult. We found a unique medallion at the gift shop to use to make my medal for the race, since my virtual medal they sent me was just garbage. From there we spent the day driving to Oklahoma City.

When I was done running and we enjoyed the dunes a little, it decided to warm up.

Wednesday morning Wayne hopped on his bike and rode along side me as I ran around Lake Hefner in Oklahoma. Running two half marathons within a 24 hour window was brutal. My times were terrible and it was just a mental game to get through the races. Wayne reminded me that even professional runners have bad races. I was just thankful to have a partner who supports my dream and helps make it a reality. States #34 and #35 are in the books! What a way to start 2021.

It was windy and cold in Oklahoma City.

See how miserable my face looks? I was so sore and tired by the end of this race.

22 years ago, a young couple set off on a crazy adventure of life together. Little did we know what we were completely getting into at 20 and 22. We have been through so much together: good, bad, crazy, hard, birth of our children, adoption, cancer, teenagers. If Jesus weren't at the center of our marriage, who knows where we would be. I know that God made Wayne just for me. I couldn't have asked for a better husband and he truly is the answer to all my prayers as a little girl. I love you Wayne! I'm so thankful that God has given you to me and that He has decided that you are still needed down here with me. I love how passionate you are about the Lord and how you lead our family as a godly example. 

10 Year Anniversary

My 30th birthday

Wayne in rehab after brain surgery

Pictures before Wayne's surgery

Making memories after Wayne's chemo ended

Walking miracle - able to hike and bike

20 Year Anniversary

Prayer Request:

While on our trip, a friend whose husband was diagnosed three years ago with brain cancer, got terrible news on New Years Day. Her husband's tumor not only returned, it returned 4 times larger and the doctors say there is nothing else they can do. They have given him approximately 4 months to live. When I watched her live video where she shared with everyone what was going on, I sat in the car crying. She is living out my worst nightmare right now, as are her 11 children. Please pray with us for the Shaw family. Their testimony and light during this time is just amazing. My deepest prayer is that our family would be able to shine Jesus' light as well as they are in their suffering.