Update 2/24/26: Grief and Gratitude

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The past few days have been a wild ride of emotions. After watching I Can Only Imagine 2 tonight, I found a way to express what I’ve been feeling - it’s a mixture of grief and gratitude. On a side note, if you haven’t watched it, the movie is excellent. The song the movie is based on, Even If, is the song I sang and cried out to God in the shower when I found out I had cancer and Wayne was not doing well. It was a dark and difficult time, but God sustained us and that song spoke to a deep part of my soul. 

I’m sure you have heard it said that, “God never wastes a hurt.” I’d also like to add that God never wastes a minute of your life or anyone you’ve met. Years ago (now I sound old), the kids attended a homeschool music class. During the class, I attended a Bible study with some amazing ladies I still call sisters and friends. Through this connection, I was put in touch with another woman, Lindsey, whose husband also was diagnosed with brain cancer. We have stayed in touch off and on through the past few years. After Wayne died, Lindsey reached out and invited me to a widows retreat that she had put together. She was allowing God to use her situation to bless others. I thought it would be an excellent chance for me to work on me and process some grief. My introverted self didn’t want to go meet a bunch of strangers, but I am so glad I said yes! It was worth the drive up to Chicago. 

Micaela and Joella didn’t mind tagging along with me so they could spend some quality time with their best friends. They are dealing with grief well, but there are times, like this weekend, that remind me that they still are vulnerable and processing. Being with friends was a nice distraction. 

When we arrived to Chicago, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to return to the home that we stayed at after Wayne’s second surgery or visit our old street. Seeing the recliner that Wayne sat in every day sent me into strong waves of grief. Driving past our old house filled with years of beautiful memories with Wayne brought a smile and tears to my eyes. They were just reminders that he really and truly is gone. I miss him so much!

Friday evening I arrived at the retreat. I met the other ladies and settled in. There were eight of us that attended the retreat. We all had so much in common…our ages, our loss, kids, and husbands that had died from cancer. Just with the few minutes of sharing, I felt a connection with each one. Things that were said mirrored my own thoughts and prayers. It was a mixture of grief and gratitude, 

We had some delicious food, a session on grief, and then we made flower arrangements. The next day, we had a session on kids and grief, a session on lament, some free time (where I managed to somehow pass out for 1.5 hours of glorious, much needed sleep), a widow panel, another delicious 3 course meal, and we ended the night with lament stations. The stations were one of my favorite things we did. It forced me to slow down and really express myself to God and process the grief.

Sunday morning, we were whisked away to a spa where we each had a special treatment given to us. The massage I received was amazing! We returned for lunch and then ended with a session about re-wiring the brain. It was very interesting to learn how science is reinforcing things the Bible teaches us about our minds!

After the retreat ended, I headed out to visit Gloria. It was wonderful to see her and get a hug. She had some items for the girls that I needed to pick up. 

From there, I met up with some homeschool friends from the early years. The kids call us the original 4. We would meet up at Chick-fil-A or parks to chat while the kids play. These are some special ladies!

Time in Chicago is never complete without time with my best friend Sue! 

Chicago is filled with so many memories and friends! I love getting to see people when I come back. If I didn’t see you, it was a quick trip and I wasn’t around much because of the retreat. I hope to come again so I can spend more time with all of you!

The girls made lots of memories with their friends. From coffee dates, baking, and a trip to Chinatown for boba.

S&T pizza kits (IYKYK) and a stop at Albanese is always on the list when we visit. 

These are the beautiful ladies that went to dinner and the movies with me tonight. Lots of Kleenex were used at the movie.

Update 2/18/26: Precious Gift

1 Peter 4:10 “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

Just when I thought I couldn’t be blessed more by Inheritance of Hope (IOH), I received an email that they had finished writing a song for me. Abigail had a song made a few months ago, but I wanted one about our love story. They made it beautifully and the timing was perfect. I have been very sad the past few days missing Wayne. I know he is in a better place, but everything just feels off without him. 

This week I have participated in support groups and reading clubs with IOH. What a blessing to have so many things to help support us through our grief. Meeting with others who have walked this road is so encouraging! 

God continues to show up in amazing ways through this journey and has brought some pretty special people across my path. I will share next week about an opportunity I have to experience this weekend. I’m looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in my healing this weekend.

In case you missed Abigail’s song she had made for all the kids, it’s below. 

Inheritance of Hope, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all that you have done for our family over the years…the memories you’ve helped us make, the support groups you’ve provided, and all the opportunities to give back to others facing the same difficult journey. Your truly are a gift from God and show God’s manifold grace to each of us!!

Update 2/14/26: Making the Most of Valentines Day

John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” 

Love comes in different forms: love between a husband and wife, love between parents and kids, love between friends, love of food, etc. The Bible describes love in a few different ways. Hesed is used to describe covenant loyalty, eros to describe romantic love, philia to describe friendship, and agape to describe God’s great love for us. 

Wayne and I never celebrated Valentine’s Day because we felt like it was a forced holiday. Wayne said love should be celebrated every day, not just one day a year. 

Even though we didn’t celebrate this holiday, it was another first to get through without him by my side. Know that I’m cheering all of you on in your marriages. Keep running to and loving each other. Let go of the little things before they become big in your mind. Love is precious and life is too short to worry about the socks not placed in a laundry basket. 

Today, to help start a new tradition, I invited some ladies over who share the same status as me…widow. We are still loved…not just by our family and friends, but by God, who is the best husband! 

Isaiah 54 “For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all the earth.”

We were able to enjoy each other’s company, laugh, cry, and just be with others who understand. Nothing like chocolate and cupcakes to make everything feel better too.

I hope to arrange a monthly, or at least quarterly, get together with these ladies, and any others that would like to join us. I’m thinking we go see I Can Only Imagine 2 (and bring lots of tissues) for our next gathering. I’m just thankful for those who have done this ahead of me and who can give encouragement and guidance through these first few hard days, weeks, and months.

Something that became clear tonight and from talking to other widows-maybe someone needs to hear this: don’t assume someone should be over their grief after a few months or even years. Grief doesn’t go away, it just changes. We have lost our person and part of who we are…that doesn’t just change over night. Also, don’t ask when they are going to stop wearing their wedding ring or if they are going to get married again. Some feel like they had their one true love and don’t want to go through all of that again. Just give space and show up with love, hugs, and support. ❤️

Update 2/13/26: Part 2 and Prayer Requests

Decided to remember some more wonderful times from Florida today. I have some photos from an event tonight that I’ll share in a few days, but for now I will share some great memories made with the kids. 

We were blessed with tickets to Universal Studios while we were in Florida. It was so amazing to be able to spend the day just enjoying each other's company, laughing, and riding rides. It was a cold start to our morning...42 when we arrived. A few crazy kids went on a water ride in the morning. Sophia and I just enjoyed watching them and stayed warm holding all their items. Our friends, the Edwards, that live in Orlando, met up with us halfway through the day. It truly was a great day and really helped all of us. Thank you to the special people who made this day possible!

Butter beer...an expensive experience, but we all enjoyed it. The kids joked that we brought our own food, and spent more on six drinks then we do for food.

We just missed Captain America, but we snagged a picture from behind.

It was still in the high 40s or low 50s when they went on this ride!

Staying warm while the kids rode a water ride. Brr!

Spinning around while on the phone with insurance people. Death paperwork is not fun...and never ending!

Waiting for Hagrids, but never made it on. The ride broke down.

Joella, Shan and Phelper rode this water ride I think four times. They were soaked when they were done. It was the end of the day, and had cooled down again. At least they had fun!

We spent quite a few days driving to the Edward's house to hang out and play games. We always enjoy spending time with them. Big families are great!

We also celebrated Naomi's birthday a few days early. There was a Portillos in town, so we bought a chocolate cake and shared it with others.

The kids decided to head to the beach for the evening. I stayed home and enjoyed the peace and quiet. 

Thanks to coupons, we were able to enjoy another game of miniature golf. 

We recreated a couple photos from a few years ago. The kids were pretty close in height. Now, the boys tower over the girls. Phelper is 12 and is almost six feet tall! David is over 6'4"...my girls have not grown nearly as much.

Below is part of a God wink. I think I shared before that Naomi Edwards invited me to attend Rock the Universe with her on Saturday night. Unfortunately, the tickets were sold out. We tried calling in radio stations, and we were not having any luck. She wrote an email to the radio station to share our story on the chance that they might have an extra ticket so I could go with her. God moved mountains, and I received a ticket for the concert. When she called me to share the news and how much God loves me. That is when one of the most amazing "Jacob's Ladder" suddenly appeared in the sky. It was so powerful and I knew God was showing me He has me and that He loves me. The night at the concert was amazing! We were able to ride on quite a few rides before the concerts started. Phil Wickham was of course the highlight of the evening for me. I love how he engages the audience in a huge worship service.

We got to explore parts of Universal that I had never been. They do such a great job there with all the details. 

Seats right up front! It was such a blessing!!

My favorite part of watching Lecrae was watching the interpreter knock it out of the park! I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I'm so excited that Micaela wants to do this as a living. It is such a gift to the deaf community. It was so awesome, it made me want to learn sign language!!

On our way home, we stopped near Jacksonville to meet up with Jill. She is an integral part of Inheritance of Hope and has been such a blessing to us over the years. In fact, she invited me to a Just Show Up book club and the timing of the book is exactly what I have needed as I process Wayne's death. Love you Jill!

God is so good to us. Even though there have been some really difficult days as we grieve, God has shown up and revealed His great love to us. We appreciate all the prayers! Many days we know your prayers are sustaining us.

This week we learned that Joella will be having surgery 3/9 on a ganglion cyst on her foot. Please pray for a quick recovery. Shan had a positive appointment yesterday at Cincinnati. It appears like the medicine he is taking is helping shrink his overgrowth. Could you please pray for wisdom for the doctors for Micaela? She saw a GI doctor Friday to try to figure out why she has had nausea and other stomach issues for the last few weeks. Life just never slows down!