Psalm 143:7-8 “Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not Your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for You I lift up my soul.”
I.am.weary. I do my best to stay positive, but I am just tired of all of the hard. Each morning I wake up, for a brief moment as I lay next to Wayne, it all feels normal. Then I rub my head, feel my missing hair and suddenly, reality smacks me in the face. Life is not normal. It is filled with cancer, moments of fear, tons of appointments, and tests (both physical and spiritual). I just want to wake up from my life that feels like a nightmare so many days.
In those hard moments, I have to dig deep. I have to remind myself of all God's promises and focus on His character. Some of God's promises:
1. He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:8)
2. He keeps His promises (Hebrews 10:23)
3. I am deeply loved and cherished by God (Jeremiah 31:3; Lamentations 3:22-23)
4. I have salvation and the hope of heaven through Jesus (Colossians 1:5; Romans 10:9-10)
5. He promises spiritual rest, peace of mind (Matthew 11:28)
6. My salvation is secure (John 10:28)
7. He has a plan and a purpose for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)
His character: Sovereign, kind, merciful, gracious, all-powerful, all-knowing, loving, nothing is too difficult for Him, etc
God continues to remind me that I am not walking this journey alone. In fact, the other day I asked Him to carry me because I was just too weary to walk alone. I was just adjusting my focus from trying to do it on my own, to crying out to Him for help. I have witnessed countless times God's faithfulness in my life. I heard this song again today and it expressed my feelings so well.
For those of you who love and serve Jesus, make sure you are in God's Word and know who He is. During the hard times in life, this will be your anchor. For those of you seeking, only Jesus can fill that void in your life. He is the only one who can give you hope and peace in this life.
Update Wayne: Wayne continues to remain stable. He has weekly PT and speech. His ankle seems to be slowly healing and he takes more steps each day with his boot. We finally received his hospital bed, although he isn’t sleeping in it yet. Wayne was certain that the bed would be too small, so he tried it out the other day. He did fit!
He continues to struggle with speaking. Wayne provided us another fun speech memory. His therapist asked him to name 10 animals. He named some normal ones like dog, tiger, lion. He had one left and he decided to try to say porcupine. His pronunciation was quite creative. We all had a great laugh over that one.
It reminded all of us about 9 years ago when Wayne was asked to name 10 sports. Instead of naming normal sports like baseball and volleyball, he named things like table tennis, cricket, rugby. Wayne definitely keeps us all laughing. Lately, to make up for a lack of words, Wayne uses a lot of teasing facial expressions instead.
Update Rebecca: I am 60% of the way done with radiation. I only have 11 days left. I am ready to ring that bell and be done! I would update more frequently, but I feel like there isn’t a lot of change to report in our lives and I’m just saying the same thing over and over.
Friday turned out to be an over booked day. I had doctor appointments, Wayne had therapy, I had signed the girls up to attend a play weeks ago, and it seemed everyone needed to be somewhere different that day. I am so thankful that my older kids are around to help. Abigail took her sisters to their play and then to a science class, and Naomi took kids to work.
Micaela and Joella went to a homeschool class where they experimented with skewers and balloons.
I came home from a long day of doctor appointments and immunotherapy to these beautiful flowers and a bag full of laminated verse cards. My friend Jennifer knows how to make a girl feel special!
February has turned out to be a fun and busy time. Our friend, Kevin Peterson, came to visit. Our history goes way back with Kevin. He was the pastor in charge of the mission trip that Wayne and I went on before we started dating. He was the youth pastor at our church and after we were married, we served as youth volunteers. It was such a great weekend with him and remembering great times. My sister, Sarah, was able to come and spend some time with us too.
Some of the kids went to Winter Jam. They all had a blast.
Naomi celebrated her 18th birthday. She had some friends over and they decorated cakes for fun. It was as great hearing all their laughter.
Our friends, the Tiemens, stopped by for a quick visit while their daughter visited Asbury. We have so many fun memories with them over the years. We miss having them as neighbors. Notice how tall they all are! I’m the short one in the group.
We celebrated Chinese New Year as a family on Sunday. Since Naomi had her friends over for a party on Saturday, we decided to have a Chinese New Year Super Bowl party. Shan was thrilled with the end results, but the rest of us were disappointed that the 49ers lost. I was hoping for a win. I guess we will wait another year.
Wayne’s mom has been visiting the past few days. It has been such a blessing to have her around. We have played a lot of games. Today Wayne played dominoes with his mom and then we went out to Culver’s for dinner.
Prayer Requests:
- Wayne: Pray for his ankle to completely heal and for continued stability of his health. Please pray for patience and endurance as we all navigate the communication struggles.
- Rebecca: Please pray for strength as I finish out the last of my radiation and juggle being a wife, mom, and caregiver. Please also pray that all these treatments bring complete healing to my body.
- Kids: please pray for Grace as she is traveling with her Life Action team in TN. Pray for Abigail, Grace, and Naomi as they juggle their college classes. Please pray for Sophia as she travels to PA for a winter survival camp (yes she is crazy) and Micaela and Shan as they attend a rescue training. Pray for my heart as I try to keep track of all of this activity.
We continue to be so thankful for each of you who remember us in prayer. We know it is your prayers that sustains and carries us through the hard days. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
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