Harder Family
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Clear Scan!!!!
Thank you for all of the prayers. God is so good to us!! Wayne's first MRI came out clear!!! We talked with the doctor today and Wayne is restarting chemo on Monday (5 days on and 23 days off). He'll repeat this cycle six times (ending in November). What's next: We have a follow up appointment with the oncologist in 3.5 weeks because they will increase Wayne's chemo another 25% at that time if his blood work is good. Wayne will also have another MRI scan in eight weeks. At that time, we will meet again with the oncologist to talk about the results. Just resting and trusting in our Master Weaver's perfect plan!
Monday, June 8, 2015
The Master Weaver
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek me with all your heart."
I am so thankful that God is in control of our lives and that He has perfect plan for us. It comforts me to know that if we seek God with all of our heart, we will find Him. He desires an intimate relationship with us and He hears our prayers.
I came across a poem at a conference (Set Apart Girl - Undivided Heart) that I attended with Abigail this weekend. This poem was quoted by Corrie ten Boom in "Tramp for the Lord". I thought it was beautiful the way it described how God is the master weaver in our lives. Although we can't see the big picture, we have to trust that He has a beautiful design in store. We may not understand why God allows certain things in our lives and we may never see the bigger picture that He has planned. Our job is to trust Him completely - resting in knowing who He is and that He keeps His promises.
The Master Weaver's Plan:
My life is but a weaving
Between the Lord and me;
I may not choose the colors–
He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.
Sometimes He weaves in sorrow,
Which seems so strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment
And work on faithfully.
‘Tis He who fills the shuttle,
And He knows what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest,
And leave to Him the rest.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needed
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
-Author Unknown
The Master Weaver's tapestry is going to be stunning when we see it one day in heaven. We see part of it's beauty when we study scripture. We see a scarlet thread weaving from the Old Testament to the New Testament describing the coming Messiah who would fulfill God's promises to His children. This promise was fulfilled in Jesus Christ! This same Master Weaver is weaving Wayne and our family into His tapestry. Each day is a gift from God and we know that God has each of our lives in His hands, including Wayne's life. We see this in Psalm 139:13-16 "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."
God's timing in showing me this truth is amazing! I'm resting in knowing that Wayne's life is in God's hands. Tomorrow is Wayne's first MRI since his surgery in March. We will meet with Wayne's oncologist after the MRI to talk about his next chemo treatments and, hopefully, discuss the MRI. Please pray for us tomorrow as we go to the doctor. We appreciate all the prayers that have been offered up for us over the past few months. Please continue to pray for us as this journey is not over.
May each of us allow God to weave us into His beautiful tapestry.
I am so thankful that God is in control of our lives and that He has perfect plan for us. It comforts me to know that if we seek God with all of our heart, we will find Him. He desires an intimate relationship with us and He hears our prayers.
I came across a poem at a conference (Set Apart Girl - Undivided Heart) that I attended with Abigail this weekend. This poem was quoted by Corrie ten Boom in "Tramp for the Lord". I thought it was beautiful the way it described how God is the master weaver in our lives. Although we can't see the big picture, we have to trust that He has a beautiful design in store. We may not understand why God allows certain things in our lives and we may never see the bigger picture that He has planned. Our job is to trust Him completely - resting in knowing who He is and that He keeps His promises.
The Master Weaver's Plan:
My life is but a weaving
Between the Lord and me;
I may not choose the colors–
He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.
Sometimes He weaves in sorrow,
Which seems so strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment
And work on faithfully.
‘Tis He who fills the shuttle,
And He knows what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest,
And leave to Him the rest.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needed
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
-Author Unknown
The Master Weaver's tapestry is going to be stunning when we see it one day in heaven. We see part of it's beauty when we study scripture. We see a scarlet thread weaving from the Old Testament to the New Testament describing the coming Messiah who would fulfill God's promises to His children. This promise was fulfilled in Jesus Christ! This same Master Weaver is weaving Wayne and our family into His tapestry. Each day is a gift from God and we know that God has each of our lives in His hands, including Wayne's life. We see this in Psalm 139:13-16 "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."
God's timing in showing me this truth is amazing! I'm resting in knowing that Wayne's life is in God's hands. Tomorrow is Wayne's first MRI since his surgery in March. We will meet with Wayne's oncologist after the MRI to talk about his next chemo treatments and, hopefully, discuss the MRI. Please pray for us tomorrow as we go to the doctor. We appreciate all the prayers that have been offered up for us over the past few months. Please continue to pray for us as this journey is not over.
May each of us allow God to weave us into His beautiful tapestry.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Celebrating Life!
Psalm 100:1-5 "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name! For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations."
God's gift to us is life...both eternal life and our daily life. Today we celebrated a special life that God brought into our lives almost 12 years ago. Sunday is Abigail's 12th birthday (where does the time go?). Every year we celebrate each one the girls by having a special date with them. The first part of the date is with me. The girls and I go buy them a new dress for their special date with their dad. After we go shopping, I take them out for their choice of frozen yogurt or ice cream. We want each one of them to know that they are important gifts from God. It is a very memorable time and something we all look forward to when a birthday approaches.
The second part of the date, usually a few days later, is a special breakfast date with their dad. The girls wait to show Wayne their dress until the day of the date. It is a fun time of dressing up and anticipation of seeing their dad's eyes light up when he sees them in their new dress for the first time. Since Wayne can't drive, this year for Abigail's date we had to modify it a little. I dropped Wayne and Abigail off at the restaurant for their date and then they took the train home.
I love seeing the girls with Wayne before their dates. They are so excited to have the special time with their dad. Dads play such an important part of any girl's life and they contribute to their self esteem. I love how Wayne pours his love, attention, and most importantly, his love of God into the girls. These are moments that I treasure even more under our circumstances.
Thank you Wayne for setting a godly example for our daughters to follow and for setting the bar high for any future man that walks into their lives. Gifts from God are meant to be treasured.
God's gift to us is life...both eternal life and our daily life. Today we celebrated a special life that God brought into our lives almost 12 years ago. Sunday is Abigail's 12th birthday (where does the time go?). Every year we celebrate each one the girls by having a special date with them. The first part of the date is with me. The girls and I go buy them a new dress for their special date with their dad. After we go shopping, I take them out for their choice of frozen yogurt or ice cream. We want each one of them to know that they are important gifts from God. It is a very memorable time and something we all look forward to when a birthday approaches.
The second part of the date, usually a few days later, is a special breakfast date with their dad. The girls wait to show Wayne their dress until the day of the date. It is a fun time of dressing up and anticipation of seeing their dad's eyes light up when he sees them in their new dress for the first time. Since Wayne can't drive, this year for Abigail's date we had to modify it a little. I dropped Wayne and Abigail off at the restaurant for their date and then they took the train home.
I love seeing the girls with Wayne before their dates. They are so excited to have the special time with their dad. Dads play such an important part of any girl's life and they contribute to their self esteem. I love how Wayne pours his love, attention, and most importantly, his love of God into the girls. These are moments that I treasure even more under our circumstances.
Thank you Wayne for setting a godly example for our daughters to follow and for setting the bar high for any future man that walks into their lives. Gifts from God are meant to be treasured.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Worry...
Matthew 6:33-34 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
This is a reminder I need quite frequently in life - do not worry and just trust God. It is so easy to say that we will trust God...it is so much harder to take that step of faith and really surrender everything, trusting Him completely. Brain cancer awareness month has now ended, but it will never really end in our house. God in His perfect, sovereign will has allowed this trial to come into our lives. My responsibility is to keep trusting Him and taking one day at a time. I told a girlfriend this morning as we took a walk how this has been a struggle for me the past 36 hours. The news has been reporting the death of Vice President Joe Bidden's son from brain cancer. On top of that news, one of my dear friends from Moody Bible Institute just lost her mom to brain cancer after a 18 month battle. Those kind of stories make me start to look to the future and worry...will Wayne's cancer come back, it if comes back how long will he have, what will I do if he dies? These are questions that I should leave in the hands of God, at the foot of the cross. I once again take my eyes off of Jesus and look at the waves of this life and I start to drown in worry. God's Word reminds me to seek Him and not to worry...today has enough worries of its own.
Something that helps me in these moments of worries is to reflect back and see how God has been working in our lives. God is so faithful!! As I look back the past few weeks, I can see His hand in our lives, especially Wayne's life. Things could be so different right now in our lives, but God ordained Wayne's recovery the way He did. I'm focusing today on all the ways God has worked in our lives and celebrating every day that God gives us. I needed a reminder today in the midst of my worries, and once again, God has been faithful to show me that I need to just trust Him and rely on Him.
On a lighter note, here are some pictures from our trip up to Mayo Clinic. My parents flew out to watch the girls for us while we were up in MN. My sisters came in for the weekend as well so we were able to take family pictures with the whole family.
The whole extended family
This is a reminder I need quite frequently in life - do not worry and just trust God. It is so easy to say that we will trust God...it is so much harder to take that step of faith and really surrender everything, trusting Him completely. Brain cancer awareness month has now ended, but it will never really end in our house. God in His perfect, sovereign will has allowed this trial to come into our lives. My responsibility is to keep trusting Him and taking one day at a time. I told a girlfriend this morning as we took a walk how this has been a struggle for me the past 36 hours. The news has been reporting the death of Vice President Joe Bidden's son from brain cancer. On top of that news, one of my dear friends from Moody Bible Institute just lost her mom to brain cancer after a 18 month battle. Those kind of stories make me start to look to the future and worry...will Wayne's cancer come back, it if comes back how long will he have, what will I do if he dies? These are questions that I should leave in the hands of God, at the foot of the cross. I once again take my eyes off of Jesus and look at the waves of this life and I start to drown in worry. God's Word reminds me to seek Him and not to worry...today has enough worries of its own.
Something that helps me in these moments of worries is to reflect back and see how God has been working in our lives. God is so faithful!! As I look back the past few weeks, I can see His hand in our lives, especially Wayne's life. Things could be so different right now in our lives, but God ordained Wayne's recovery the way He did. I'm focusing today on all the ways God has worked in our lives and celebrating every day that God gives us. I needed a reminder today in the midst of my worries, and once again, God has been faithful to show me that I need to just trust Him and rely on Him.
On a lighter note, here are some pictures from our trip up to Mayo Clinic. My parents flew out to watch the girls for us while we were up in MN. My sisters came in for the weekend as well so we were able to take family pictures with the whole family.
Minnehaha Falls
Riding public transportation downtown Minneapolis after visiting the Mall of America
Trying on hats at a fun hat store downtown Minneapolis
Wayne and I decided to try some different types of food on our trip. We went to an Ethiopian restaurant (see above), Greek and Mexican restaurant.
Huge platter of food - we ate without utensils!
While we up in MN, there was a 1/2 marathon in Rochester, so I ran for Wayne.
Finished the race in 2:06:20!!
The whole extended family
Our family
Sisters
Enjoying every moment of life with this man!
Remember that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. What are you living for and how are you living your life? May we all remember that our time here on earth is limited.
Psalm 144:3-4 "O LORD, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You think of him? Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow."
Friday, May 29, 2015
What If We Were Real?
I have been mulling over some things for the past few days and thought that I'd write them down. It doesn't necessarily have to do with cancer or our situation, but just life in general. We don't have cable, so we don't watch reality shows. Despite not having cable, we have heard of the Duggars, and even met a few of them at a homeschool convention a few years ago. The thing that struck me with the whole situation is how the family worked to protect their seemingly perfect image, how they covered up sin, and how quickly the world has jumped all over them, condemning them.
To be honest, I personally can understand from experience both sides of the arguments being presented. On one hand, you have the victims of sexual abuse. They should have been protected and treated with extra care and compassion. They also should have been taken to a professional counselor to help them process what happened to them. Forgiveness has to be given to someone who has hurt you, and it is the hardest thing one can do-to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. On the other side of the argument you have Josh, who has confessed to doing wrong. He admits that God has used that time in his life to bring him to a personal relationship with Jesus. If he truly confessed his sins, God's grace covers his sin (not that he shouldn't have also been held accountable here on earth for his wrong doing). I think the biggest thing that people have had an issue with is how the Duggars always presented themselves as the perfect, godly family while knowing they were far from perfect. In reality, none of us are perfect. We are all in desperate need of a Savior to redeem us from ourselves. Apart from the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we are all depraved sinners (separated from God because of our wrong doings). So my question for myself, my family, my church and the church as a whole is - what if we were real? What if instead of walking around with masks trying to be the "perfect Christian", what if we were honest with those around us with our struggles, our fears, our doubts? Wouldn't that be real? God uses our weaknesses and struggles to draw us closer to Him. He also uses these things in our lives so that we can minister to others. The danger in trying to conceal or stuff sin under the rug is that God's light will always reveal it. Proverbs 28:13 says, "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion." What if the Duggars had been honest and real? What if instead of trying to conceal and cover up their son's sin, they came out and were honest? Would there have been difficult times? I'm sure there would have been, but how much more could God have been glorified through that mess? Can God still be glorified in the situation? Yes. Just open the Bible and your find story after story of man's sin and God's redemption.
I recently read Laura Story's book "When God Doesn't Fix It" and enjoyed some of the insight she gave in her book about life and hard times. Here is a section from her book. "I went back and looked at some of those heroes of the faith, and I discovered that God didn't call me to be like them. He never asks us to be like Noah, David, Daniel, or any other biblical example-except Jesus...He wants us to model our lives after Jesus...Their stores aren't in the Bible because these characters are heroes. Their stores are in the Bible because God is the hero of their stories...Just as the faithfulness of the men and women whose stories are told in the Bible points us to Jesus, so can their brokenness. In their brokenness, hurts, and sorrow, we see their humanity. We see their need for a Savior...The reason God wants me to tell my story isn't because He wants me to be embarrassed talking about my lowlights or bragging about my highlights. He wants me to tell my story because my story points to Jesus. My life is but one minuscule, very broken story in His much larger story of redemption...God can redeem not only every life, but every season of our life, every addiction, every lie, every failed marriage, every finacial crisis, every jealous thought, every bad mood, and every deep, dark secret. He uses our lowlights to demonstrate His power. No matter how deep our pit of sin is, God's long arm of redemption reaches down, pulls us out, washes us clean by the blood of Jesus, and welcomes us home. When we let others know where we came from and how He saved us from our own pit, we become an extension of that arm of redemption...God wants each of us to share our stories..."
God had laid it on my heart a few months ago when we first found out about Wayne to journal what God was teaching me. I started this blog as a way of remembering how God has carried us through each day and each trial that we have faced. Our journey is not over and neither is my story. I will continue to share my story and be open as God leads. I have only shared my testimony with a few people in my life. I am far from perfect and God is continually working in my life each day. To keep things extra real around here, I've decided to share my testimony with whoever reads this post.
***Testimony***
I was blessed to be raised in a godly Christian home. I believe it gave me a good foundation from which my faith journey began. Both of my parents loved and served God faithfully. I was exposed to the Bible and the gospel message at a young age. I also saw my parents live out their faith. It was more than words. My mom would teach English to Spanish ladies in our area by sharing God’s Word with them, she had Bible studies in the house with unbelievers in our neighborhood, my parents brought complete strangers into the home through foster care and just loved on these abused kids, and my mom would also do little things, like help blind ladies cross the street. My parents shared the truth of God with me and when I was around five, my mom asked me if I wanted to know Jesus. I told her no and ran out of the room. But God was working on my heart and I came back crying saying, “Yes, I want to know Jesus.” Although I walked through this with my mom, I’m not sure I truly understood what I was doing, but my heart was open to God and the work He was doing in me. I think this was evidenced in my life with decisions I made and my uncertainty lead me to rededicate my life a few times during that time. I remember a missionary coming to church and speaking about the Lord with such a passion that it made me cry. There was another time that I was about eight and I was looking at a Bible book that had a picture of Jesus Christ on the cross. I started crying thinking about the pain He suffered for me. I can see how God was drawing my heart to Him and working in my life. I don’t think it was until I was thirteen that I truly grasped the whole truth of the gospel. Sure I could tell you all the right answers (having grown up in the church), I knew God was working in my life and I had said “the sinner’s prayer”, but I don’t think I truly understood that I was to count the cost and I was to pick up my cross and follow Him. At thirteen I went to camp and the speaker talked about being a bondservant of Christ. I had never heard it talked about that way…marking my life for God of my own free will that I am His. It was this day that I truly acknowledged God as my Lord and my King and the day I believe I was truly saved. Before then I didn’t realize that once I choose to follow Jesus, my life was not my own. I am to follow Him and become like Him. 1 John 2:3 “By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments.” I continued to grow in my knowledge of Him in my life, I depended on Him, and had a deep faith in who He was and I saw Him use me in others lives as I was obedient to Him.
This faith would be tested though a few times in my life. I’ve had people ask me how I have such a deep faith and trust in God, well it wasn’t from easy times. The first time that my faith was tested was when I was fifteen. God started revealing some things in my past that I had been hiding because they were too hard to deal with. It was during this time that I had to depend on God with a dependence that was unfathomable. Philippians 4:13 was my lifeline “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” I started seeing a Christian counselor to deal with these images and memories that were coming to my mind. I prayed and asked God to reveal anything that was hidden to bring me freedom. Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and hidden things that you have now known.” This verse is in reference to knowing more about God, but God used it to speak to me. During this time I remembered being abused by my own Grandfather when I was nine when I went and visited them. That was very hard to deal with but then I started remembering even worse things, things that I wouldn’t dare wish on my worst enemy that had happened to me. God was so faithful to me during this time and helped me each step of the way. I remember one particularly hard day after a long, hard counseling session. That night God gave me dream where He was holding me in His lap as He comforted me. It reminded me of my favorite chapter in Psalms during this time.
Psalm 91 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
During this time I had to depend on God and just hold on to His Word. I would listen to scripture songs on CD to counter the lies I had heard. I had to believe Him for who He was, and not let go of that for a moment. Sure I had questions, “why me God?” “What have I done to deserve this?” But then I would remember that Jesus was innocent and yet He suffered the most cruel death and He did that for me. I clung to verses like Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God is omniscient, omnipotent, and all sufficient. As Job encountered God in Job 38-41, I had to trust that God, who holds the universe in the span of His hand, who controls nature, who created everything from one word, had a plan for my pain and anguish. I trusted in who He was and I believed that He would and could get me through this and would use it for His glory. The next hard step was forgiveness. I didn’t ask for any of this, and yet I felt the Spirit prompting me to forgive those who had abused me. I read Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I take scripture like this seriously. So, I went honestly before the Lord and asked Him to help me forgive those who had hurt me. I told Him that in my humanness, I didn’t want to forgive them. But ultimately I didn’t want my unforgiveness to separate me from communion from God and I knew that a bitter heart would only further destroy me.
As my life went on, I continued to study God’s word, attend church, and pray. God brought Wayne into my life and we started our life together. God called us to Chicago for Wayne to attend Moody. I was able to take a few classes at Moody as well. I took Systematic Theology where we talked topics like Who is God, Who is Christ, Who is the Holy Spirit and what are their roles. It was an amazing time to grow deeper in my knowledge of who God. But, as life gets busy, I started having kids and although I would try to make time for God, He wasn’t a priority. There was always laundry, dishes, and diapers to change. I would study God’s word, but I didn’t spend the time I needed to. It has been my prayer for years that God would draw me closer to Him. I was tired of feeling like I was on a treadmill not going anywhere in my walk with Him. I thought I was growing. I mean I was faithfully serving at church, I would read my Bible, I would pray, I was trying to grow closer to Him. I never wavered in my love for Him, but I felt like it wasn’t going anywhere. I was hungry and I wasn’t sure how to get more of God. So, I continued to pray that God would draw me closer to Him, but I wasn’t sure how to attain that. About a year ago, God started working on my heart. He started pointing out things that I was holding on to. One thing was pride. I was a “good” person, I mean especially when I look around at those around me. I was like the Pharisee at the wall with the tax collector. God showed me that I should compare myself to Christ (who is our example), not others. I was singing songs one Sunday at church and I thought to myself: “I’m singing these words, but do they really mean anything to me? I’m singing God is my all and everything is His, but is that true?” It bugged me that I didn’t think that was true. Back in December 2013, as I was preparing a message for the women’s conference, I came across testimony after testimony of people in the persecuted church who had such a deep faith in God. It reminded me of my faith back when I was 15. I asked God, “how come I don’t have that kind of faith? I want that kind of faith, the kind that would be willing to lose ALL for you!! Help me God to seek your face.” Wayne and I were talking through 1 Peter and we were asking each other questions about what we were learning. We were both hungry. During this time we thought that God may be calling us to adopt or do foster care and so we started pursuing that for our family. I was believing God for a big miracle, trusting Him to show me how big He was…little did I know what I was praying for. I thought I was praying for a sibling group for our family to adopt, but God closed that door and opened a much better one. I felt like God was asking me to do something drastic, but I didn’t know what it was. I started reading the book “Radical” by David Platt. It was challenging and made me think about things in a way that I hadn’t thought about before. God was showing me that He calls us to go all in with Him. It’s not a show up on Sunday, study the Bible and pray, give a little money and time. He wants ALL of me, not just part of me. He was reminding me of being His bondservant. I thought I was giving my all to Him, but God started showing me little ways that I was holding on to pieces of myself. Then in March of 2014, we started the series “Behold Your God”. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it. God started opening my eyes to the fact that I had created an image of God that wasn’t one that honors Him. I had made church and even my devotional time more about me then about Him. Sure I could say it was about Him, but after watching the series, I realized just how much of my life was focused on ME instead of HIM! Things like “what can I get out of this, how does this impact me?” God showed me that it is all about Him. Every time I read His word, I should be looking for what God is trying to teach me about Him. So here I stand on this journey of faith and trust in God. It isn’t a momentary decision I made with one prayer, it is a life-long dependence on God and a life surrendered to God, even if it means suffering and pain for Him, as I experienced as a young girl. God has done all the work in my salvation and there is nothing I can do for Him to love me more, but we are here to glorify God and that is what God has been teaching me. My life is not about me, it is about Him and bringing HIM glory!! I look forward to doing what Revelations 5:12-13 says, “Saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” Amen
********************
What if each of us was real? What if we showed the world that we are all in need of Savior? None of us are perfect. The only perfect one came down to earth over 2,000 years ago and His name was Jesus Christ. He came as the perfect lamb who took away the sins of the world. Only through His death and resurrection can anyone experience forgiveness for their sins. Let's stop parading ourselves around like the Pharisees pretending we have it all together. The world isn't blind and neither is God. Let's show the world that we only have it "together" when we are relying on our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Messiah.
To be honest, I personally can understand from experience both sides of the arguments being presented. On one hand, you have the victims of sexual abuse. They should have been protected and treated with extra care and compassion. They also should have been taken to a professional counselor to help them process what happened to them. Forgiveness has to be given to someone who has hurt you, and it is the hardest thing one can do-to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. On the other side of the argument you have Josh, who has confessed to doing wrong. He admits that God has used that time in his life to bring him to a personal relationship with Jesus. If he truly confessed his sins, God's grace covers his sin (not that he shouldn't have also been held accountable here on earth for his wrong doing). I think the biggest thing that people have had an issue with is how the Duggars always presented themselves as the perfect, godly family while knowing they were far from perfect. In reality, none of us are perfect. We are all in desperate need of a Savior to redeem us from ourselves. Apart from the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we are all depraved sinners (separated from God because of our wrong doings). So my question for myself, my family, my church and the church as a whole is - what if we were real? What if instead of walking around with masks trying to be the "perfect Christian", what if we were honest with those around us with our struggles, our fears, our doubts? Wouldn't that be real? God uses our weaknesses and struggles to draw us closer to Him. He also uses these things in our lives so that we can minister to others. The danger in trying to conceal or stuff sin under the rug is that God's light will always reveal it. Proverbs 28:13 says, "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion." What if the Duggars had been honest and real? What if instead of trying to conceal and cover up their son's sin, they came out and were honest? Would there have been difficult times? I'm sure there would have been, but how much more could God have been glorified through that mess? Can God still be glorified in the situation? Yes. Just open the Bible and your find story after story of man's sin and God's redemption.
I recently read Laura Story's book "When God Doesn't Fix It" and enjoyed some of the insight she gave in her book about life and hard times. Here is a section from her book. "I went back and looked at some of those heroes of the faith, and I discovered that God didn't call me to be like them. He never asks us to be like Noah, David, Daniel, or any other biblical example-except Jesus...He wants us to model our lives after Jesus...Their stores aren't in the Bible because these characters are heroes. Their stores are in the Bible because God is the hero of their stories...Just as the faithfulness of the men and women whose stories are told in the Bible points us to Jesus, so can their brokenness. In their brokenness, hurts, and sorrow, we see their humanity. We see their need for a Savior...The reason God wants me to tell my story isn't because He wants me to be embarrassed talking about my lowlights or bragging about my highlights. He wants me to tell my story because my story points to Jesus. My life is but one minuscule, very broken story in His much larger story of redemption...God can redeem not only every life, but every season of our life, every addiction, every lie, every failed marriage, every finacial crisis, every jealous thought, every bad mood, and every deep, dark secret. He uses our lowlights to demonstrate His power. No matter how deep our pit of sin is, God's long arm of redemption reaches down, pulls us out, washes us clean by the blood of Jesus, and welcomes us home. When we let others know where we came from and how He saved us from our own pit, we become an extension of that arm of redemption...God wants each of us to share our stories..."
God had laid it on my heart a few months ago when we first found out about Wayne to journal what God was teaching me. I started this blog as a way of remembering how God has carried us through each day and each trial that we have faced. Our journey is not over and neither is my story. I will continue to share my story and be open as God leads. I have only shared my testimony with a few people in my life. I am far from perfect and God is continually working in my life each day. To keep things extra real around here, I've decided to share my testimony with whoever reads this post.
***Testimony***
I was blessed to be raised in a godly Christian home. I believe it gave me a good foundation from which my faith journey began. Both of my parents loved and served God faithfully. I was exposed to the Bible and the gospel message at a young age. I also saw my parents live out their faith. It was more than words. My mom would teach English to Spanish ladies in our area by sharing God’s Word with them, she had Bible studies in the house with unbelievers in our neighborhood, my parents brought complete strangers into the home through foster care and just loved on these abused kids, and my mom would also do little things, like help blind ladies cross the street. My parents shared the truth of God with me and when I was around five, my mom asked me if I wanted to know Jesus. I told her no and ran out of the room. But God was working on my heart and I came back crying saying, “Yes, I want to know Jesus.” Although I walked through this with my mom, I’m not sure I truly understood what I was doing, but my heart was open to God and the work He was doing in me. I think this was evidenced in my life with decisions I made and my uncertainty lead me to rededicate my life a few times during that time. I remember a missionary coming to church and speaking about the Lord with such a passion that it made me cry. There was another time that I was about eight and I was looking at a Bible book that had a picture of Jesus Christ on the cross. I started crying thinking about the pain He suffered for me. I can see how God was drawing my heart to Him and working in my life. I don’t think it was until I was thirteen that I truly grasped the whole truth of the gospel. Sure I could tell you all the right answers (having grown up in the church), I knew God was working in my life and I had said “the sinner’s prayer”, but I don’t think I truly understood that I was to count the cost and I was to pick up my cross and follow Him. At thirteen I went to camp and the speaker talked about being a bondservant of Christ. I had never heard it talked about that way…marking my life for God of my own free will that I am His. It was this day that I truly acknowledged God as my Lord and my King and the day I believe I was truly saved. Before then I didn’t realize that once I choose to follow Jesus, my life was not my own. I am to follow Him and become like Him. 1 John 2:3 “By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments.” I continued to grow in my knowledge of Him in my life, I depended on Him, and had a deep faith in who He was and I saw Him use me in others lives as I was obedient to Him.
This faith would be tested though a few times in my life. I’ve had people ask me how I have such a deep faith and trust in God, well it wasn’t from easy times. The first time that my faith was tested was when I was fifteen. God started revealing some things in my past that I had been hiding because they were too hard to deal with. It was during this time that I had to depend on God with a dependence that was unfathomable. Philippians 4:13 was my lifeline “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” I started seeing a Christian counselor to deal with these images and memories that were coming to my mind. I prayed and asked God to reveal anything that was hidden to bring me freedom. Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and hidden things that you have now known.” This verse is in reference to knowing more about God, but God used it to speak to me. During this time I remembered being abused by my own Grandfather when I was nine when I went and visited them. That was very hard to deal with but then I started remembering even worse things, things that I wouldn’t dare wish on my worst enemy that had happened to me. God was so faithful to me during this time and helped me each step of the way. I remember one particularly hard day after a long, hard counseling session. That night God gave me dream where He was holding me in His lap as He comforted me. It reminded me of my favorite chapter in Psalms during this time.
Psalm 91 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
During this time I had to depend on God and just hold on to His Word. I would listen to scripture songs on CD to counter the lies I had heard. I had to believe Him for who He was, and not let go of that for a moment. Sure I had questions, “why me God?” “What have I done to deserve this?” But then I would remember that Jesus was innocent and yet He suffered the most cruel death and He did that for me. I clung to verses like Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God is omniscient, omnipotent, and all sufficient. As Job encountered God in Job 38-41, I had to trust that God, who holds the universe in the span of His hand, who controls nature, who created everything from one word, had a plan for my pain and anguish. I trusted in who He was and I believed that He would and could get me through this and would use it for His glory. The next hard step was forgiveness. I didn’t ask for any of this, and yet I felt the Spirit prompting me to forgive those who had abused me. I read Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I take scripture like this seriously. So, I went honestly before the Lord and asked Him to help me forgive those who had hurt me. I told Him that in my humanness, I didn’t want to forgive them. But ultimately I didn’t want my unforgiveness to separate me from communion from God and I knew that a bitter heart would only further destroy me.
As my life went on, I continued to study God’s word, attend church, and pray. God brought Wayne into my life and we started our life together. God called us to Chicago for Wayne to attend Moody. I was able to take a few classes at Moody as well. I took Systematic Theology where we talked topics like Who is God, Who is Christ, Who is the Holy Spirit and what are their roles. It was an amazing time to grow deeper in my knowledge of who God. But, as life gets busy, I started having kids and although I would try to make time for God, He wasn’t a priority. There was always laundry, dishes, and diapers to change. I would study God’s word, but I didn’t spend the time I needed to. It has been my prayer for years that God would draw me closer to Him. I was tired of feeling like I was on a treadmill not going anywhere in my walk with Him. I thought I was growing. I mean I was faithfully serving at church, I would read my Bible, I would pray, I was trying to grow closer to Him. I never wavered in my love for Him, but I felt like it wasn’t going anywhere. I was hungry and I wasn’t sure how to get more of God. So, I continued to pray that God would draw me closer to Him, but I wasn’t sure how to attain that. About a year ago, God started working on my heart. He started pointing out things that I was holding on to. One thing was pride. I was a “good” person, I mean especially when I look around at those around me. I was like the Pharisee at the wall with the tax collector. God showed me that I should compare myself to Christ (who is our example), not others. I was singing songs one Sunday at church and I thought to myself: “I’m singing these words, but do they really mean anything to me? I’m singing God is my all and everything is His, but is that true?” It bugged me that I didn’t think that was true. Back in December 2013, as I was preparing a message for the women’s conference, I came across testimony after testimony of people in the persecuted church who had such a deep faith in God. It reminded me of my faith back when I was 15. I asked God, “how come I don’t have that kind of faith? I want that kind of faith, the kind that would be willing to lose ALL for you!! Help me God to seek your face.” Wayne and I were talking through 1 Peter and we were asking each other questions about what we were learning. We were both hungry. During this time we thought that God may be calling us to adopt or do foster care and so we started pursuing that for our family. I was believing God for a big miracle, trusting Him to show me how big He was…little did I know what I was praying for. I thought I was praying for a sibling group for our family to adopt, but God closed that door and opened a much better one. I felt like God was asking me to do something drastic, but I didn’t know what it was. I started reading the book “Radical” by David Platt. It was challenging and made me think about things in a way that I hadn’t thought about before. God was showing me that He calls us to go all in with Him. It’s not a show up on Sunday, study the Bible and pray, give a little money and time. He wants ALL of me, not just part of me. He was reminding me of being His bondservant. I thought I was giving my all to Him, but God started showing me little ways that I was holding on to pieces of myself. Then in March of 2014, we started the series “Behold Your God”. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it. God started opening my eyes to the fact that I had created an image of God that wasn’t one that honors Him. I had made church and even my devotional time more about me then about Him. Sure I could say it was about Him, but after watching the series, I realized just how much of my life was focused on ME instead of HIM! Things like “what can I get out of this, how does this impact me?” God showed me that it is all about Him. Every time I read His word, I should be looking for what God is trying to teach me about Him. So here I stand on this journey of faith and trust in God. It isn’t a momentary decision I made with one prayer, it is a life-long dependence on God and a life surrendered to God, even if it means suffering and pain for Him, as I experienced as a young girl. God has done all the work in my salvation and there is nothing I can do for Him to love me more, but we are here to glorify God and that is what God has been teaching me. My life is not about me, it is about Him and bringing HIM glory!! I look forward to doing what Revelations 5:12-13 says, “Saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” Amen
********************
What if each of us was real? What if we showed the world that we are all in need of Savior? None of us are perfect. The only perfect one came down to earth over 2,000 years ago and His name was Jesus Christ. He came as the perfect lamb who took away the sins of the world. Only through His death and resurrection can anyone experience forgiveness for their sins. Let's stop parading ourselves around like the Pharisees pretending we have it all together. The world isn't blind and neither is God. Let's show the world that we only have it "together" when we are relying on our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Messiah.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Knowing God
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
― A.W. Tozer
This simple but profound truth is what defines us. We cannot get around it, we cannot elude it, and we cannot ignore it. Even the atheist is defined by their view of who God isn’t.
It has been a while since I (Wayne) posted on the blog, except for a quick thank you to my wife this morning. I would like to personally thank each of you for all your prayers over the last three months. I could feel Him carry me when I had no strength of my own, which was often. This has been the ordeal of a lifetime, literally. I am sure that the Lord is not finished with me yet. This is just the opening act.
I would like to thank all the doctors, nurses, and therapists whose guidance was so encouraging. I could not have done it without you.
What comes into your mind when you think about God? I have meditated on that for a longtime, especially the last three months, and I am still in awe with the plan of salvation. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
How amazing is the plan of salvation? The words elude me to describe the love and mercy that God displayed in the plan of salvation. It was the purpose of the incarnation, Jesus becoming fully man but remaining fully God. As the perfect Lamb of God, He took all of humanity’s sin, shame and guilt and bore it on the cross. Taking the full force of God’s wrath for a rebellious and stubborn people; a people opposed to God, a people rejecting the very existence of God. There is nothing we can offer and there is no sacrifice large enough to cover the wrongs we have done. We are totally in debt to Jesus Christ because we are purchased by His precious blood.
John 17:1-5 says “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave Me to do. And now, Father, glorify Me in Your own presence with the glory that I had with You before the world existed.”
It is the ultimate pursuit of life to try to comprehend an incomprehensible God! Our sole objective in life is to get a glimpse of His unending holiness, glory and majesty.
― A.W. Tozer
This simple but profound truth is what defines us. We cannot get around it, we cannot elude it, and we cannot ignore it. Even the atheist is defined by their view of who God isn’t.
It has been a while since I (Wayne) posted on the blog, except for a quick thank you to my wife this morning. I would like to personally thank each of you for all your prayers over the last three months. I could feel Him carry me when I had no strength of my own, which was often. This has been the ordeal of a lifetime, literally. I am sure that the Lord is not finished with me yet. This is just the opening act.
I would like to thank all the doctors, nurses, and therapists whose guidance was so encouraging. I could not have done it without you.
What comes into your mind when you think about God? I have meditated on that for a longtime, especially the last three months, and I am still in awe with the plan of salvation. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
How amazing is the plan of salvation? The words elude me to describe the love and mercy that God displayed in the plan of salvation. It was the purpose of the incarnation, Jesus becoming fully man but remaining fully God. As the perfect Lamb of God, He took all of humanity’s sin, shame and guilt and bore it on the cross. Taking the full force of God’s wrath for a rebellious and stubborn people; a people opposed to God, a people rejecting the very existence of God. There is nothing we can offer and there is no sacrifice large enough to cover the wrongs we have done. We are totally in debt to Jesus Christ because we are purchased by His precious blood.
John 17:1-5 says “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave Me to do. And now, Father, glorify Me in Your own presence with the glory that I had with You before the world existed.”
It is the ultimate pursuit of life to try to comprehend an incomprehensible God! Our sole objective in life is to get a glimpse of His unending holiness, glory and majesty.
Thank you Rebecca!!!
Words cannot begin to describe the way I feel about my wife, the mother of our six precious girls, teacher, master administrator, patient advocate, super caregiver, just to name a few of the extraordinary hats she wears on a daily basis.
Thanks Rebecca for being my co-laborer through this, and remaining by my side when it was all I could do to hang on. I felt powerless, at times, but our relationship firmly planted on the rock of God has sustained us through this trial. Now to regroup and take the next trial head on, whatever that may be. My heart does trust in you!
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Thanks Rebecca for being my co-laborer through this, and remaining by my side when it was all I could do to hang on. I felt powerless, at times, but our relationship firmly planted on the rock of God has sustained us through this trial. Now to regroup and take the next trial head on, whatever that may be. My heart does trust in you!
Proverbs 31:10-31
The Woman Who Fears the Lord
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
All that packaged into this!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)