Harder Family Adventures

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Milestones: 20 Years

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? An though one might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

On January 9th, 20 years ago, I married my best friend! Marriage is such a beautiful, but hard thing. It is also an amazing picture of Jesus Christ and the church, His bride. Four years ago, I didn't know if we would reach this milestone after Wayne was diagnosed with GBM brain cancer, which has a 12-18 month life expectancy. We decided to celebrate this special occasion with a trip away. At first we talked about going away to some exotic island for a week, but decided that we wanted to stay in the states and not have to fly anywhere since Wayne doesn't do well on long plane rides anymore. As I was looking into options, I received an email about the G3 Conference (a Bible conference) being held in Atlanta during our trip. We have wanted to attend the G3 Conference for a few years. We decided that we could have a nice trip away from the kids in Georgia. Wayne, being so thoughtful, asked if there were any races in Alabama during that time, since I have not run that state. I discovered that there was a half marathon in Mobile, AL during our trip. So, I ran state #27 while on our anniversary trip!

We decided to spend four days in the Gulf Shores after my race. We enjoyed quiet time away from the kids and our daily walks, even though it was in the 40s the entire time we were at the beach.

We then traveled to Atlanta and attended the G3 Conference. Some may be thinking, "Wow! That's romantic!" But here is the thing, it is only by God's grace and our relationship with Him that has gotten us this far in our marriage. We wanted to continue to grow closer to Him, which ultimately, helps us grow closer together. Plus, anyone with kids knows that just being away from the kids for a few days is vacation enough! The conference was so refreshing for our souls! We were able to sit under some amazing teaching by some of my favorite preachers: John Piper, David Platt, Voddie Baucham, Paul Washer, and more. The theme was on missions, something I am passionate about. I ended up with 83 pages of notes that I still need to read through and digest at a deeper level. It was like sitting in front of a fire hydrant trying to take in all the beauty of God's word, His heart fo us, and His heart for missions. I left there feeling spiritually charged and encouraged!

While we were at the Gulf Shores, we decided to get our pictures taken to celebrate our 20 year anniversary. As I mentioned before, four years ago when Wayne was diagnosed with brain cancer, I didn't think that we would ever make it to our 20th anniversary. I wanted to have photos to document such a momentous occasion in our lives. I reached out to Kassie from www.kassiebias.com to find out about photos. I shared with her our story and she offered to take our pictures for free! She works with Magic Hour, an organization that helps families with terminal illnesses get photographs of their loved ones before they pass away. Kassie was such an amazing photographer to work with and I hope to take the kids to the Gulf Shores soon and get family photos with her! Let me know which photos are your favorite! I am having a hard time picking a favorite!

Marriage is a beautiful thing! If you are struggling in your marriage, hang in there. Life is messy and hard, but being with the love of your life during those hard times is so much better! I realized the other day that I have officially been married to Wayne half of my life! I would never trade any of the time with Wayne for anything else the world offers. Also, make sure to treasure every moment with your spouse or loved one! None of us know when our last day will be here on earth. Let's live each moment to the fullest loving those around us!

Monday, January 28, 2019

A New Adventure Begins

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:"

2019 is going to be a huge year for our family. The Harder Family is moving! After following God's call to move to Chicago 18 years ago, God has revealed to us that He wants us to once again pick up our roots and move...a new season in our life. We will be moving to Winchester, KY later this year. We closed on our new house last week and will be putting our house on the market in the next few weeks. If you know anyone wanting to live walking distance to METRA to get downtown, let me know!

There are so many mixed emotions as we consider this move. We are excited to see what God has in store for us in this new area since He has made it abundantly clear He wants us to move. We weren't even looking to move! We even asked Him to verify it to us by laying out a fleece (remember the story of Gideon?), to see if it was really His will. Well, He opened all the doors and so we are obeying Him. There are many things that are exciting in considering this move: being closer to family (my parents are like two blocks away), my sister and her family are 30 minutes away, our kids can have animals at my parent's farm, we will be getting a dog, and we will have more space for our family. On the other hand, there are many things that stir up feelings of sadness: leaving our church family, leaving friends, losing a very diverse environment for our children, and leaving what has become familiar to us.

I struggled greatly with this decision at first because it stirred up fear in my heart. "Is God moving us closer to family because He knows Wayne's cancer is coming back and He knows I need extra help from family?" "Why would He take us from our church family that has been such a blessing to us?" This is where faith takes root. Will we trust God and His sovereign plan for our lives or fight Him? I'd rather be right in the middle of God's will then fight Him.

Here is our new house: 5 bedrooms, 4 bath. We had prayed that if God wanted us to move that He would provide a house with the master on the main level (in case Wayne's cancer comes back and he needs a wheelchair) and that there would be a second bedroom for the boys on the main floor (to keep the boys and girls separate). God provided everything and even more! I am so excited that Wayne and I will have our own bathroom that I don't have to share with two smelly boys!

You can be praying for our kids, especially the older girls. They are struggling with the thought of leaving all their close friends, especially our neighbors who they hang out with all summer. Pray that God helps us all as we adjust to our new normal and as we move. Please also pray that we will be able to sell our house in a timely manner.

If you plan on visiting the Ark or the Creation Museum, make sure you stop by and visit us. We are about an hour away from the Ark and 1.5 hours from the Creation Museum! We have plenty of room to host our friends and family visiting in the area!

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Christmas Letter 2018

Galatians 4:4-5 "But when the set time had fully come, God sent His Son, born of a woman, under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship."

Merry Christmas from the Harder Family!

We pray that your 2018 was wonderful for your family. 2018 was a year filled with many memories and adventures for our family.

Harder Family 2018:

We celebrated the one year anniversary of the boy's adoption.
We celebrated three years since Wayne's diagnosis of brain cancer. We celebrate that God has kept him around longer then the diagnosis of 12-18 months. We continue to celebrate every day with him as we know they are a gift from God!
Our family took a trip to Washington DC and the East Coast. We were able to spend some amazing time as a family learning about our country's history.
Wayne came home on disability in September. Due to his brain cancer, he was experiencing some long-term effects of treatment. This has been a great blessing to our family to have him home. Although we all have been making adjustments, overall, it has been great for our family.
My parents moved closer to us (about a six hour drive). This has been another huge blessing in our lives. After being so far from our parents since we moved to Chicago, it is great to be a half days drive from family!
We entered our ninth year of doing homeschool. Each year brings new growth and challenges. We thought that we would have two kids in school this year, but God had other plans and all 8 kids have been home.
Rebecca ran five half marathons in 2018, to get her to 26 states. It is hard to believe I am over half way to my goal of all 50 states!
Abigail is passionate about books, writing and the library. She has been volunteering at our local library two days a week getting great experience. Her goal is to study Library Science in college so she can be a librarian. She continues to do well in school, loves debating, and loves to read!
Grace started pursuing her love of photography this year. She is one of our most creative children and can create beautiful projects out of junk. Grace is doing well in school too, but, she doesn't love school and she loves to procrastinate.
DJ continues to learn English well and you can find him building projects out of Legos and K'nex. DJ loves helping around the house and he enjoys doing the dishes.
Naomi continues to be our budding scientist. She loves performing science experiments, including her current experiment about germs in bathrooms (how to dry your hands without picking up germs). Naomi has also budded into an avid reader, maybe her roommate has worn off on her?
Shan Chen is another avid reader and loves to build with Legos. He is excelling in school and in English. This year he is taking a writing and English Grammar class and he is getting an A in both! We are praying this year that we discover answers for the physical issues he is facing.
Sophia has budded into our animal lover. She loves the chickens at my parent's house. She continues to do well in school, especially math. She also loves watching baking shows so she can try new techniques in her baking.
Micaela joined her older siblings this year in their class and she is doing great! She is continuing to get better at reading with her reading tutor. She loves to read! Micaela is our tenderhearted child who loves everyone around her...but watch out because she has older sisters and is tough!
Joella is learning how to read and is excelling in school. She has been taking a fun class with her friends. They have been reading great books and learning about related subjects. Joella is the child that will walk out of the house in winter in sandals and a mix-matched outfit and not care. We may have ended up at the store where I realized she had gotten into the car in sandals and Grace's pajama bottoms!!! She keeps us laughing and on our toes!

We are praying that each of you have a blessed New Year!

Love,

The Harder Family

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Reflecting on 40 Years

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is seen is eternal."

Today is my 40th birthday. I really do not know how I am already 40. I still vividly remember celebrating my dad's 40th birthday, so how can I be that old? I decided a fun way to mark this "momentous" milestone would be to write down 40 things that I have learned over the last 40 years.

#1: God is faithful, trustworthy, forgiving, ever-present, and the list could go on for pages. I have seen first hand God's attributes through many trials in my life.

#2: God never leaves us and is always with you, even in the darkest times. There are some moments in my life that I have clearly experienced God's presence. His faithfulness and love for me sometimes blows my mind.

#3: Speaking of dark times, it is usually in the hardest, darkest places that you will sense God's presence more than any other time in life. It is also the time for your faith to grow. Hard times will either make your love and dependence on God grow, thus growing your faith, or it will break you. If you are in a dark, hard place, don't take your eyes off of God. He is GOOD, even if you cannot feel it right now...which leads me to #4

#4: Cling to who God is! Knowing God will help you persevere through any trial. God's Word is true and what the Bible says about God is true. Cling to that truth and DON'T LET GO! God's Word is living and active!

#5: Your emotions and feelings change all the time. Express them, but don't depend on them, they will deceive you!

#6: Prayer is an important spiritual discipline to develop. We have the privilege and opportunity to approach the very throne of God! He longs to speak and commune with us. Not only is prayer a great thing to do alone, find a group to pray with. There is nothing sweeter then being able to pray with other believers and approach God.

#7: When you are singing in church do not worry about the songs or the people around you. Remember why you are there...to worship God! I have allowed my fear of other people's thoughts about me to impact my worship. Instead of freely worshiping, there have been times that I have held back out of fear. God has been reminding me that it is not about ME, it is about HIM! When we have our focus in the right direction, worship is so much more meaningful.

#8: Don't allow good things to become idols in your life. I am still working on this one. I have a tendency to allow being busy doing "good" things overshadow things that are really important like spending time with my family, cultivating relationships with others around me, and most importantly, spending time with God.

#9: Be passionate about something: dream big and pray bigger. If God has given you a desire, shoot for it and don't stop until God closes the door. I have seen people who had a wild dream and God blessed that dream and has accomplished amazing things. I recently had the privilege of meeting a sweet lady in NC who had a big dream to start a business that could help orphans around the world. God has honored that dream. God was able to take a dream of a mom, who had a huge heart for orphans, and turned it into a blessing to many families around the world!

#10: Don't be afraid to say yes to "scary" things that God is asking you to do. We would have missed out on so much if we allowed fear to stop us from obeying God a few times in our lives (moving to Chicago to go to Moody, adopting two boys from China when Wayne was undergoing treatment for brain cancer). God has chosen to use us in accomplishing His purposes here on earth, let's join Him in His work, even if it sounds scary.

#11: Pray for your missionaries. Missions is a hard and, many times, a thankless job. We need to lift them up before God daily to encourage them, that God provides financially for them, and that God would use them as they faithfully serve Him.

#12: No matter how many times you read a passage in scripture, God can always teach you something new. God's Word truly is living and active!

#13: If you really love God, then obey Him. Just like your children show you they love you by obeying you, we need to do the same. God is still working with me on this one too.

#14: Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, but it is hard work. You must be willing to communicate clearly, put in time and energy, and be fully committed.

#15: Date your spouse. Make sure that you set up dates with your spouse to keep your marriage strong. When the kids were younger and money was tight, we did "in-house" dates (aka put the kids to bed early and watched a movie with food to go).

#16: Speaking of marriage, keep your expectations low and your commitment high. Life is not like the romance books or Hallmark movies we all enjoy. If your husband helps you around the house or rubs you feet at night, that is love. You don't need some rich, lonely widower or some executive who decides to give up his job for you (as seen on the movies), to experience "love".

#17: Find something positive to focus on every day and in difficult situations. This is an area I am still working on. This is especially true about your spouse. If they leave their clothes around or their dish on the table, find something positive to think about instead of getting mad about the dishes and clothes. Instead of focusing on that, think about how your husband worked all day to provide the money for the food. Or, instead of being upset at a child for not picking up their garbage, be thankful that you have been blessed with a child. People enjoy being around positive people. Strive to be positive instead of a negative Nellie.

#18: Raising kids is hard!!

#19: Raising 8 kids is even harder, especially if you have 6 girls!!

#20: Each stage of children brings challenges: when the kids are young, you are physically exhausted because you aren't getting enough sleep. When you have teenagers, it is mentally exhausting and physically exhausting (did you know using your brain to deal with hormonal teenagers and come up with creative ways to connect and discipline wears you out?...neither did I!).

#21: Enjoy your kids while they are young. They grow up so quickly! The days do drag by so slowly, but the years truly do go very fast. Enjoy every moment with your children, even on the hard days.

#22: Take a road trip with your kids...it is fun! Just make sure you have lots of snacks! If you are just starting to have kids, train them while they are young to endure long road trips...it makes it easier later on. For older kids, find games to keep them busy (aka license plate game, etc). One time we paid our kids $0.01/antelope they saw to keep them busy. It was well worth the $3/kid to keep them busy watching the migrating antelope.

#23: Enjoy God's creation...take a road trip. There are so many beautiful national parks. Since we are large family, we decided that visiting National Parks was more economical and valuable then going to Disney. We couldn't see one day at the park being worth $1,000 (just to get in). Our kids have visited 41 states and have been to around 30 National Parks!! My personal favorite was Glacier National Park.

#24: Make time for what is important in life. You will not wish for more things on your death bed, but for more time with family. Make the most of your health and the time you have here on earth. Enjoy the blessings God has given you.

#25: Getting your haircut every 6 weeks is just a way to spend more money and isn't necessary. If you are "frugal" (aka cheap) like me, 2-3 times a year suffices. Also, if you embrace your age and age gracefully, you can skip dying your hair, which saves you even more money.

#26: You know sayings like, "If it rains, it pours"? I will never get those correct - I always mix them up, which leads to my family laughing at me. It's good to give people something to laugh about, embrace your weaknesses.

#27: Find good friends and spend time developing those relationships

. These are the people who will walk by you when life gets hard and who will laugh with you until you almost pee your pants. We all need friends like these in our lives. You will also find that you have different best friends from different stages of life. Really good friends are the ones that even when life gets busy and you can't see them for a long time, when you finally do get together, it is like you just saw them.

#28: Embrace your body, another one that I still struggle with. Has anyone else noticed that there are times when you don't "like" your body, but when you look back at pictures you wish you looked like you did back then? I've decided that I need to stop looking at magazines and reading about how I need to be "hot" and "fit". God has made me the way that I am, and as long as I am eating well and exercising, who cares what size I am? Also, I have to admit I'm jealous of men's metabolism. I can eat salads for weeks and lose a couple pounds, Wayne stops drinking tea for two days and loses 10 pounds. I exaggerate a little, but women, you know it is true!

#29: Speaking of health: Eat healthy and exercise, but also save room for some chocolate. Chocolate makes those hard days bearable.

#30: Truth: I'm sorry, but those "healthy" cookie recipes don't taste as good. I lie to myself and tell myself they taste just as good, so that I eat better, but there is nothing like a real chocolate chip cookie hot out of the oven or a piece of pie made with white flour! Speaking of taste: why is it that most food that tastes good isn't good for you and food that is good for you doesn't taste as good? I love my vegetables, fruit and protein, but pizza and ice cream sure taste good too!

#31: As good as chocolate is, the best therapy is to get out and exercise. Taking a walk can make your day better, even if it is just a short walk. I am a much better mom and wife when I exercise. It releases happy endorphins and allows me to blow off steam.

#32: Take time to read a good book. There are some days that I sneak into my room to read a good book when I need a break from the chaos around me. If you are desperate enough, sneak a book into the bathroom and lock the door...if it works for guys, we can make it work for us too.

#33: Learn to laugh at yourself, learn from your mistakes, and apologize when necessary. It is better to say sorry, even if you weren't in the wrong, then to lose a relationship.

#34: People aren't looking at you all the time, so stop being so self conscious. I'm preaching to myself on this one. Celebrate the beautiful, unique person God has made you.

#35: In God's kingdom, there is no such thing as a small and unimportant job. Whatever God has called you to do, caring for children or working as a banker, give it 100% since you are working for God and not man. God doesn't just use the preachers and missionaries to accomplish His work. He uses each of us, if we are willing, to accomplish His purposes. God has been teaching me to chill and be still. I don't have to be a full-time missionary overseas to be accomplishing what He wants me to do.

#36: Laugh frequently. Laughter truly is good medicine as the Bible says. Go on Facebook and join Dry Bar Comedy now, you will thank me. Each night before we go to bed, we watch a short clip and laugh. That is a great way to end a long, hard day.

#37: Enjoy your family, even if there are days they drive you crazy!

#38: Be humble and willing to accept wise council from those who are older or wiser then you. You do not know everything!

#39: Don't compare yourself to others. As my mom said, "There are only two results, neither which is godly. You either see yourself as better and become proud, or you feel inferior and become jealous of what the other person has."

#40: Growing old is part of life and it happens all too quickly. Make the most of every day God gives you! I'm thankful for every day God has given me. I pray that my life brings God as much glory as it can.