Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
With everyone talking about the New Year, I’ve been pondering what this next year is going to look like and what I should try to focus on. I don’t mean worrying about this year, but how to be as intentional as possible to carry on the work Wayne and I started in our marriage. How to keep running the race with endurance now that I lost my running partner and cheerleader. How to keep faithfully pointing the kids to the Lord in the middle of our grief - to keep reminding them of who He is and how His plan can be trusted.
Thinking about a new year, without Wayne, has led to many tears. I keep reminding myself one day at a time. Reminders of him are all over the house. We have found some things to laugh about. We joke that Wayne must be looking down shaking his head wondering how we could “fall apart” so quickly. Saturday night, we got a puppy. We were calling it our emotional support dog, and truly she is just that for the kids. The smiles on their faces are worth the extra work. Wayne wasn’t an huge dog guy, but he did honor his word and got the kids Bo (our standard poodle). Moana is one of puppies we fell in love with when we went for multiple visits to play with puppies.
Also, today a sweet gift came in the mail-wind chimes (thank you to whoever send them). I love them, Wayne hated wind chimes. He’s probably wondering what in the world is going on in our home. Every time I hear them chime, it actually makes me think of Wayne. My mom mentioned it’s a great way to remember he’s up in heaven worshiping God…making a joyful noise like the wind chimes are.
We have talked as a family and have made some loose plans for this next year. That means we have some plans, but we know God can change our direction. Wayne’s last request was for our family to travel west to see his cousin get married. So, we will honor that and visit friends and family along the way. I’m sure the road trip will be filled with amazing memories, but also some sorrow since road trips were Wayne’s favorite. Get him behind the wheel and hours of open road, and that was one of his happy places.
We also plan on making some trips east to visit Abigail, Elijah and Ruth. Later in the summer, I might even take the kids to the NE to visit a couple states they are missing and show them where Wayne and I went for our anniversary. I think it is therapeutic for them to experience some new things while also remembering fun memories with Wayne. The last few months, and especially weeks, were super hard on all of us.
We will continue to take lots of pictures, be intentional, and make new memories. Our goal will be to keep moving forward while treasuring all the memories we’ve made as a family with Wayne. I know Wayne wouldn’t want us to get stuck in grief. He’d want us to grieve and process all our emotions, but not get stuck there. A counselor years ago told me that you can’t drive a car looking in your rear view mirror the whole time. I think that applies here too. Each of us will move forward one step at a time.
Wayne poured into all of us and we are who we are today because of Jesus and how He used Wayne in our lives. I look back to when I first married Wayne and I was a shy, introvert. Over the years, our personalities blended to create who we are today: Wayne helped pull me out of my shell more and I rubbed off on him because he developed a better filter. If you knew him before, you know what I mean. I often wonder if Wayne and Peter are up in heaven talking about the times they put their foot in their mouth.
This year will be filled with so many changes. Not only getting used to Wayne not being around, but Sophia and Shan will start college, and Lord willing in the fall, I’ll be looking for a full time job. I haven’t worked full time outside the home since I was pregnant with Abigail.
My word for 2026 is trust. God has already showed up in so many ways since Wayne died to remind me that I’m His child and He is going to take care of me and the kids. I am choosing to trust Him and not fret about all the little things that could easily overwhelm me. Although our blog was started to share with the kids how God worked in our lives during Wayne’s cancer (and later mine), I’m going to keep blogging to show them how God cares for us during this time as well.
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