Harder Family Adventures: Update 2/24/26: Grief and Gratitude

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The past few days have been a wild ride of emotions. After watching I Can Only Imagine 2 tonight, I found a way to express what I’ve been feeling - it’s a mixture of grief and gratitude. On a side note, if you haven’t watched it, the movie is excellent. The song the movie is based on, Even If, is the song I sang and cried out to God in the shower when I found out I had cancer and Wayne was not doing well. It was a dark and difficult time, but God sustained us and that song spoke to a deep part of my soul.

I’m sure you have heard it said that, “God never wastes a hurt.” I’d also like to add that God never wastes a minute of your life or anyone you’ve met. Years ago (now I sound old), the kids attended a homeschool music class. During the class, I attended a Bible study with some amazing ladies I still call sisters and friends. Through this connection, I was put in touch with another woman, Lindsey, whose husband also was diagnosed with brain cancer. We have stayed in touch off and on through the past few years. After Wayne died, Lindsey reached out and invited me to a widows retreat that she had put together. She was allowing God to use her situation to bless others. I thought it would be an excellent chance for me to work on me and process some grief. My introverted self didn’t want to go meet a bunch of strangers, but I am so glad I said yes! It was worth the drive up to Chicago.

Micaela and Joella didn’t mind tagging along with me so they could spend some quality time with their best friends. They are dealing with grief well, but there are times, like this weekend, that remind me that they still are vulnerable and processing. Being with friends was a nice distraction.

When we arrived to Chicago, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to return to the home that we stayed at after Wayne’s second surgery or visit our old street. Seeing the recliner that Wayne sat in every day sent me into strong waves of grief. Driving past our old house filled with years of beautiful memories with Wayne brought a smile and tears to my eyes. They were just reminders that he really and truly is gone. I miss him so much!

Friday evening I arrived at the retreat. I met the other ladies and settled in. There were eight of us that attended the retreat. We all had so much in common…our ages, our loss, kids, and husbands that had died from cancer. Just with the few minutes of sharing, I felt a connection with each one. Things that were said mirrored my own thoughts and prayers. It was a mixture of grief and gratitude,

We had some delicious food, a session on grief, and then we made flower arrangements. The next day, we had a session on kids and grief, a session on lament, some free time (where I managed to somehow pass out for 1.5 hours of glorious, much needed sleep), a widow panel, another delicious 3 course meal, and we ended the night with lament stations. The stations were one of my favorite things we did. It forced me to slow down and really express myself to God and process the grief.

Sunday morning, we were whisked away to a spa where we each had a special treatment given to us. The massage I received was amazing! We returned for lunch and then ended with a session about re-wiring the brain. It was very interesting to learn how science is reinforcing things the Bible teaches us about our minds!

After the retreat ended, I headed out to visit Gloria. It was wonderful to see her and get a hug. She had some items for the girls that I needed to pick up.

From there, I met up with some homeschool friends from the early years. The kids call us the original 4. We would meet up at Chick-fil-A or parks to chat while the kids play. These are some special ladies!

Time in Chicago is never complete without time with my best friend Sue!

Chicago is filled with so many memories and friends! I love getting to see people when I come back. If I didn’t see you, it was a quick trip and I wasn’t around much because of the retreat. I hope to come again so I can spend more time with all of you!