Harder Family

Harder Family

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

The Real Deal

Psalm 6:6-7 "I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief."

Job 16:16 "My face is red with weeping, and on my eyelids is deep darkness."

Emotions can be tricky. Some people are very in-tune with their emotions and can express them freely, while others struggle to reveal how they are feeling. The other night we picked I Still Believe for our family movie. We had all heard great things and the girls wanted to pick a more sentimental movie instead of our normal action or cartoon selection. I probably should have been more conscious of my children and the theme of the movie. We all really enjoyed the movie, but it was also difficult to watch. During the end of the movie, all you could hear were sniffles in the basement. After the final credits, Joella and Micaela just broke down sobbing. They hugged me and told me how hard it was to watch the character die from cancer and that they don't want their dad to die from his brain cancer. As I hugged them in their vulnerable state, I realized I was jealous of the freedom they felt to express their emotions so openly. 

I struggle to be transparent with my emotions. My natural tendency is to bottle it all in. Unfortunately, difficult circumstances in my past has lead to this self-preservation mode. Although I did spend many months as a young adult having to feel many bottled emotions, my natural tendency is to flee crying. As you read throughout the book of Psalm, you read of David's weeping and grief. Sometimes he sounds like he is in great distress, which I believe he was in and he was openly pouring his heart out to God. I have experienced moments of weeping that were so distressing, I thought I would rather have Jesus take me home than experience the pain. When you are done crying and you cannot see because your eyes are swollen, you cannot breathe because you nose is clogged, and your chest aches from the deep groaning, that really isn't something you want to experience again. 

I share all of this because I am trying to be more transparent in my life. I know that I cannot be the only one to struggle with bottling emotions or having to face difficult memories from the past or current battles now. Maybe you feel alone in your struggles. Know that you aren't alone. I know that in this turbulent time in our lives many more people are experiencing struggles in their life. This is the best time to be transparent and open with others. We are all struggling and it is good to know that we are not alone! The Bible says that we are to be like iron sharpening iron...we should be building each other up and helping others run this crazy race of life to the finish line.

At the beginning of the year, our church shared about a ministry called Celebrate Recovery. Each week people would share how this group helped them in different ways. I found it fascinating to learn that Celebrate Recovery isn't just for those recovering from alcohol or drugs, but it was for anyone who has a hurt, habit, or hangup that they need help and support. Each week, I felt like God wanted me to go. I fought God the entire time because I am someone who cares too much what other people think of me. I was worried people would find out that I was going and wonder what "issue" I have that would drive me to Celebrate Recovery. I finally surrendered and attended my first service with the group. It was so hard to walk through the doors, but I am so glad that I did. I have found some amazing friends in a short time who are real. It is comforting to know that there are people who are willing to pray for you when things are good, and when things are hard. God's timing is always best! If I had not attended when I did, I wouldn't have been able to get plugged into a Step Study and meet some amazing women who have encouraged and prayed for me throughout this ordeal. After attending even just a few weeks before all this COVID19 hit, I firmly believe that every believer should attend. We all have issues, whether big or small, that we can share and work on. Maybe you have thought about attending Celebrate Recovery, but maybe, like me, you have been intimidated. Let me tell you, there is so much freedom in just going! Just go and see what God has in store for you.

Please pray that I continue to trust God with the pain of the past, trust Him with Wayne's future, and that I can freely express my emotions instead of bottling them up. There are other things going on that I will share at a later time, so please just pray for me and our family. If you are struggling with anything, feel free to contact me and we can pray for you and walk along you too!

1 comment:

  1. YES! YES! YES! Celebrate recovery changed me. The step study was one of the hardest groups I've taken part in but produced the most fruit. It was a major turning point in my walk, its amazing what God did. When it was my turn to share all God did during my time in celebrate recovery I timidly confessed that i don't even like celebrate recovery's set up. Haha! Everyone laughed but it was true, it was so different from what i was used to. Either way I obeyed God's leading and I agree every believer should go through a step study.