Scanxiety

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Tomorrow morning at 5:00am, we will be heading downtown to Northwestern for Wayne's bimonthly MRI. On the GBM Facebook page I follow, many people have said the days leading up to their MRI cause them scanxiety. I can honestly understand where they are coming from when they make this statement. The unknown future can be daunting. But, as Corrie ten Boom once said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." Thankfully, we can rest in knowing that our future is ultimately in God's hands. His peace truly passes all understand as Philippians 4:7 states.  

We would appreciate prayers as we head into tomorrow morning. Pray that God's peace carries us through tomorrow and that we leave our future in God's hands where it belongs.

Is God Enough?

Philippians 3:7-14 "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Is God enough? That is a question that I have been wrestling with for months. I want to honestly say that God is enough and yet, if I'm truly honest, my life doesn't reflect that He is enough. I'm always adding on to Him. I'm sure we can all put something in this blank. I want God plus_____. For me, my big addition is family, especially Wayne. The add-ons in our lives are things outside of God that we find pleasure, safety, and peace. I've been doing a Bible Study on the book of Hosea. One of the questions asked last week that struck a chord with me was this: "Is my sense of security and identity in God alone, or do I find my identity and sense of security in things from God-like my talents, success, kids, appearance, and blessings? How secure would I feel if I lost those things? Who would I be if I didn't have those things to identify me?"

I told my Bible Study class that this is something that I've been struggling with for a few months. If I'm completely honest, if Wayne were to die, I would feel lost because I have put too much "stock" in him. Too many times I have placed Him first before God. A few months ago I asked God to remove anything in my life that took my focus off of Him. Not long after that prayer, we discovered Wayne had brain cancer. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me when I say this and think that I believe God gave Wayne cancer. It don't believe God gave Wayne cancer, but I think that He has allowed Wayne's cancer to answer my prayer. When you are faced with the reality of possibly losing someone dear to you, you start to look at your life differently. I told God that I didn't want any "idols" in my life. God is always faithful to answer our prayers and He has been revealing things in my life that were idols. I don't have any idols as described in the Old Testament...I don't have any wooden or metal statues laying around my house. The idols I struggle with are less "obvious" then a huge golden calf in my living room. I struggle with idols of placing my family before God, putting pleasure before God (watching tv or reading fiction instead of reading God's Word or prayer), putting more emphasis on my outer appearance then my inward beauty (spending more time exercising/dieting then time in God's Word), etc. Wayne's cancer has forced me to take a hard look at my life and see areas that I needed to surrender to God...including Wayne. God has been so patient with me as I work through letting go of things that I've placed in His place. It is such a struggle to let go, but God is such a patient and loving God! I am still trying to find the correct balance of relying on God, but also having a healthy trust and confidence in my spouse. It seems like each time I think I have finally found that right balance, God allows something else in my life that throws me off balance. In those moments, all I can do is cling to God and who He is. In those hard moments God shows me more of who He is and how much I can trust Him and rely on Him. I am a continual work in progress and I'm thankful for a merciful God!!

The lesson of surrender, fully giving oneself to God is a daily and moment by moment process. The beauty of refining is that God is slowly transforming us. Transformation isn't always an easy process, but I know the end result will be amazing. When ever I think of transformation, I think of caterpillars transforming into a butterfly. This is probably due to the fact that my kids are obsessed with butterflies/moths right now, especially Naomi. It is fascinating to watch a caterpillar cocoon itself. After a few days, you start to see the cocoon rock and shake as the butterfly tries to work itself out of the cocoon. If you tried to help the butterfly out of its cocoon before it is ready, you will kill the butterfly. The life of the butterfly comes from struggling through the transformation process as it breaks out of the cocoon. In the same way, God allows things in our lives to transform us. Sometimes those things may cause pain or may stretch us in uncomfortable ways, but God sees the bigger picture of what He is transforming us into...images of His Son. 

So back to my question at the beginning...Is God Enough? The answer is that not only is He enough, He has to be enough. My job is to daily surrender everything to God and fully trust Him and His perfect plan for my life. Through the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life, I have committed to making Him my sole source of security, peace, and comfort. God is enough!!

www.thebutterflysite.com

The song that has been on my heart all day is "At the Cross". 

There's a place where mercy reigns and never dies,

There's a place where streams of grace flow deep and wide.

Where all the love I've ever found,

Comes like a flood,

Comes flowing down.

[Chorus:]

At the cross

At the cross

I surrender my life.

I'm in awe of You

I'm in awe of You

Where Your love ran red

and my sin washed white.

I owe all to You

I owe all to You Jesus.

There's a place where sin and shame are powerless.

Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness.

Where all the love I've ever found.

Comes like a flood,

Comes flowing down.

[Chorus]

Here my hope is found

Here on holy ground

Here I bow down

Here arms open wide

Here You save my life

Here I bow down

Here I bow down

Please be praying for us. Thursday is Wayne's next MRI at Northwestern. We meet with his oncologist after his MRI to discuss the results and his next chemo treatment. God is enough...God is enough!