Harder Family

Harder Family

Friday, October 23, 2020

The Christian "F" Word

 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

I heard a statement last night at Celebrate Recover (CR) that really stuck with me and it convicted me. It went something like this, "Have you heard the Christian 'F' word? 'I'm FINE'." We all laughed at the moment, but as I have thought more about it, this statement has made me sad. How often do we as believers tell people we are "fine", when really we are not and our worlds are falling apart? How can we pray for each other and help sharpen one another if we do not know what is going on in each other's lives? And how many of us have been guilty of getting that panicked look when you ask someone how they are doing and they tell you something besides, "I'm fine?" I am sure that we have all been in both sets of circumstances.

I think this concept of "I'm fine" reaches beyond our conversations. When we post pictures of our lives on social media, subconsciously or not, do we try to make it look like we have it all together, that we are fine? I know I have been guilty of this. Wayne asked me why I haven't blogged lately and I told him because life has been hard and what am I supposed to blog about? He asked me, "Why can't you blog about life being hard? Do your blogs always have to be filled with the good life?" I thought about it and I know that in the past I have blogged about hard things. I mean come on, having a husband with terminal brain cancer is HARD! Raising eight kids is HARD. Adoption is HARD. But I have discovered the last year that there is one HARD that has been very difficult to navigate. You know the kind you don't want to talk about with other people and you just want to say, "I'm fine!"? This HARD is the straw that "broke the camel's back", my back. As people at CR say, this was "my bottom". I knew that I couldn't keep trying to do this on my own. I needed a band of fellow believers to help walk along side me and keep me going. People that could pray for me and encourage me on the super hard days. 

Dealing with a loved one with mental health issues is HARD. You do not know what to expect from day to day. You visit numerous doctors and try different drugs to try to help the person live out as much of a normal life as possible. I have discovered through CR that one of my character defects is co-dependency and control. I have discovered that somehow I feel like I can somewhat control the situation when someone has a physical handicap or illness (I know technically I have no control, but in my mind I feel like it is somewhat controllable). When it comes to mental health, there is no control at all. I feel like my life has been spinning out of control the past year. I had to reach the bottom and realize that I have no control over anything. Part of The Serenity Prayer says, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will..."

Each day is a new day. Some days I feel like with God's help it was a victorious day. Other days, I feel defeated and overwhelmed. On those days, I reach out to my "people". We all need "people" in our lives who we can be 100% transparent with and who can hold us accountable. I don't want to be "fine", I want to be transparent, real, and transformed into who God wants me to be. "Fine" is not who God wants me to be. God wants me to be real...with Him and with others. What about you? Are you just "fine" today or are you hurting and need someone to talk to? God never promised us lives filled with unicorns and rainbows. He told us life would be hard and we would have trials and temptations. We cannot do this race on our own. We need the help of the Holy Spirit and other believers who can help us when we feel like we can't take one step further in the race called life.

Prayer Requests:

1. Wayne's MRI results (MRI today).

2. Shan Chen’s new prosthetic leg that he picks up today.

3. Our trip to Nebraska to see Emily, the young girl who is struggling with brain cancer.

4. For my friend Amy and her husband Brian, who has GBM.

5. The Landing (teenage level CR) that started Monday night. Pray that young kids attend and that God uses it to change their lives.


  1. Rebecca, your blog today was exactly what I needed to hear. Mental health issues in someone you love is hard and I have had to surrender them to the Lord.
    I like to feel in control too (I know the Lord is ultimately) and everything may seem fine when things are going like I think they should go but when things go awry it's very hard accepting that the Lord's will may be very different than my will. I am trying hard to cling to this truth:
    Proverbs 3:5
    Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.
    Praying for you!