Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His feathers. Under His wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”
It has been one month since the love of my life went home to Jesus. Our minds still can’t fully comprehend the loss, but we are slowly processing it all. Grace called me this afternoon and told me that she was heading to Winchester from Clay City. It was the first day she’s been out since the crazy winter storm. She said they got on the freeway and suddenly a huge Jacob’s Ladder appeared in the clouds above her. She said it was a gift since today is one month of Wayne being gone and missing from our lives. She said it immediately made her think of Wayne since we have seen so many of these since he died at special moments. Little reminders from God. ❤️
As I’m writing this post with pictures of Wayne, I’m overcome with grief over missing his presence in my life. I miss his voice, his touch, his encouragement, and his advice. There have been so many moments I want to pick up the phone or rush home to share something with him…only to remember he’s not here. He’d be the first one I would ask advice about like, “Should we stay in FL longer or do you think the roads are safe?” Instead, I reach out to many people to get their advice to help me make the best decision.
Instead of getting to see and love on Wayne, I am now faced with the a new word…widow. It’s a word I never wanted to describe me. A few weeks ago when I checked in for my CT scan, they went through their normal checkin questions. I realized I had to change my marital status and my emergency contacts. Thankfully, they had tissues at the checkin window because my eyes suddenly sprung a leak. They tend to do that a lot lately. It always seems to be small and “insignificant” things that send me over the edge of deep grief.
I am not an expert by any means as a widow, since it has only been a month, but I thought I would give some practical advice to others about preparing for losing a loved one and some things you can do to help someone who has lost their loved one.
Preparation:
1. Make sure you have life insurance, even a small policy goes a long way.
2. Pay the extra amount for LT disability. If you ever are injured or end up with a debilitating cancer like Wayne, it’s life changing.
3. Make sure you have a will and a living will with what you do and don’t want at the end of your life.
4. Make lots of memories: take photos, make video, make a free video for your loved ones through Inheritance of Hope. We have a couple videos Wayne made and hearing his voice from before his recurrence has been such a blessing. You don’t have to be dying to make one…but your loved ones would love to hear your voice as you tell stories.
5. Know that death is expensive and put money aside for your funeral…assume a minimum $9000! Also, clearly let your loved ones know what you want. It helps them navigate things easier not having to second guess what you might have wanted.
6. If needed, call in palliative and hospice care sooner than later. Do know that the movies make it look like hospice is around all the time. We loved our hospice nurses, but maybe 30 minutes is all you get a day.
7. Borrow equipment if possible and if you buy it, pass it on to others to bless them!
“Let me know what you need”
I have said these words to many people before because we all want to help and no one knows the best way to help. Here are a couple things that have been blessings to us:
1. Meal train-bring food to the family to relieve that stress off of them
2. Provide gift cards for meal delivery for those hard days when just making it through the day is the goal.
3. Show up and just be present. Sometimes just having someone to talk about your loved one with is a gift. Just listen and share any stories of their loved one with them. We enjoy remembering the good times and want to laugh and not just cry.
4. Share stories, photos, memories with the loved ones. Sometimes the family doesn’t know all the funny things that may have occurred at work-share those with us. Or maybe the loved one said something about the spouse or kids that was sweet-tell them what they said.
5. Have a team available for the person to call for unexpected issues, like a shower suddenly stating to drip.
6. Money is an issue for most people who walk through this. There is a delay in receiving payments and we all know social security is quick to take any payment back if the person doesn’t live the whole month. There are so many expenses, see #5 up top, and the delay in payments can really cause a lot of stress. People don’t want to ask for money, but know this could be an issue for others.
7. Call and check up on the person-don’t ask how they are doing, just remind them you are there and praying for them. And don’t stop! So many widows share how the first few weeks are okay, but then everyone disappears and you are left behind. I don’t mind being the odd man out-invite me to come along with your couples group! I won’t try to make you feel awkward, I just don’t want to be left alone.
8. Widows with children do have the blessing of being able to stay busy because life doesn’t stop. But for those without kids at home, the home is now silent. Stop by and visit with them.
One of the most special gifts we were given is a week away to Florida after Wayne’s service. It has given me and the kids something to look forward to. Making new memories and time in the sun will be so helpful as we navigate all of this. I will post pictures of our week here in Florida in a few days.
Here are some photos from Wayne’s service. Thank you to everyone who came. I’m missing some photos from people who came, so if you don’t see yourself here, please send me the photos. ❤️
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