If I am wise, I will number my days. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so what am I doing with my life? God created me and chose me for a purpose. I want to make sure that everything I do here on earth fulfills that purpose in my life. A couple years ago we started learning some basic catechism at church for the kids' Sunday School program. I was the Sunday School coordinator and I thought it would be a great way to instill in the kids some basic theology that we should all know. On Wednesday night, Abigail and I were talking about why God created us and I asked her if she could remember why we were created. She responded by telling me, "We were created for God's own glory and to tell other's about Him." It is so important for all of us to remember that basic concept-we were created for God's own glory, to give Him glory and to live for Him. God didn't create us to live for ourselves...we are to live for Him!
I've been struggling with this concept of numbering my days recently with some of the things Wayne has been battling (fatigue, seizures). I have to daily give my fears to the Lord. It is so easy to start to worry about the future and his health, especially when I read about other's journeys on this road of cancer. I'm part of Facebook groups for GBM and Astrocytoma. On one hand, they are wonderful resources (treatments, supplements). On the other hand, it can be so discouraging. It is hard, even depressing, to see so many people losing the battle to brain cancer. It is in those moments of fear of the future (the "what-ifs") that I have to just cling to Jesus and trust Him. The one good thing that I "learned" when online was how important it was for me to get in pictures with everyone. I'm always the one taking pictures and I'm not in as many pictures. I need to make sure that I'm not only capturing memories, but that I'm part of the memories.
The doctors adjusted Wayne's seizure medicine and it seems to be helping. We haven't had any incidents since we adjusted the medicine, praise the Lord! The sad part about the seizure at the zoo is that it has shaken the girls up, especially Joella and Micaela. The first thing they ask Wayne every morning is, "Papa, did you have a seizure?" When we are driving or taking walks, everyone is constantly asking him if he is okay or if he needs to sit down so he doesn't have a seizure. It is sweet on one hand because they care so deeply for their dad, but it is sad that my three and four year old even know what the word "seizure" means. Cancer has no mercy! Thankfully, I know that despite all of this, God will use it for His glory.
Wayne is doing okay. He is easily fatigued and has moments of just not feeling well. He did survive his first week back to work without any issues (taking the train, walking to work). Today he took a three mile walk with the family and then rested. His doctor had told him that people fighting cancer lose their reserve tank...and we are finding that to be true. Wayne worked all week, and then he had to rest of the last two days. Wayne is learning that he can't do everything all the time. Wayne has one more "good" week until he starts round 2 of his 5 day chemo. After last month's experience, we don't know what to expect when he starts his chemo. I'm not making any plans for the next two weeks. Those days will be one day at a time.
I am trying to walk the fine line balancing a fun summer and a realistic summer. I can't make too many plans, but I also want the girls to be able to experience some extra fun activities during their summer break. Since we are six days from round 2 of chemo starting, I have a fun filled week of activities planned for the girls. With our chaotic life I have to be flexible in case something comes up with Wayne. Here is what I have (tentatively) planned for them this week:
Monday-park and Chick'fil'A ice cream cone treat
Tuesday-watch "Inside Out" with our friends at the movie theater
Wednesday-Zoo
Thursday-Great America (use our reading passes they earned)
Friday-another park and ice cream treat.
Wayne will start his chemo Friday night, so after that, plans are on hold besides VBS. The girls will attend two VBS' the week Wayne is on chemo. One is a sports camp VBS where they will plan soccer in the evenings. I figured the more they are out of the house when Wayne isn't feeling well, the more rest he'll get.
One day at a time...that's my theme. One day at a time leaning on the arms of Jesus to get me through the day.
Here are some pictures from the past few days.
July 2nd: Time with Micaela and Joella.
Wayne and I took a walk to the park with Micaela and Joella. When we got home, we spent time watching them play in the backyard. The older four girls were playing with neighbor friends. It was a special time with just the two little ones.
July 3rd: Blueberry Picking with Friends!
Abigail and her friends were holding my phone while we paid for blueberries. They decided to take some group pictures on my phone, so I'm sharing them.
Micaela had a blast picking berries - she filled her bucket over 1/2 full!
Joella's bucket was empty - she ate all her blueberries as she picked them.
Joella loved picking, I mean eating blueberries.
Note to self: Do not give everyone a bucket and then encourage them to pick lots of berries for a treat. Somehow I ended up with 5 full buckets, which was about 20 pounds of blueberries. Thankfully, we LOVE blueberries, but that still was a little too many blueberries. Thursday night I'm planning on making a fresh blueberry pie for when Wayne's boss is coming over for dinner.
July 3rd: Fireworks with the family.
We played duck-duck-goose as we waited for the sun to set. I even joined in on the fun.
Grace and Joella giggling after their chairs tipped backward.
Keep making memories with your family and loved ones. Enjoy every day that God gives us!
