Psalms 39:4-5 "Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure."
Tonight as we prayed around Wayne's bed, one of Wayne's good friends from Moody prayed that we would all number our days and that every day would bring glory to God. As I was driving home, I was reflecting on that statement. None of us knows how many days we have to live. Life is fragile and fleeting. The revelation of Wayne having cancer has made this even more apparent to us. We can talk about statistics and life expectancy, but those are just numbers. God is the only one who knows how many days any of us have here on this earth. Life can change in an instant. Anyone of us could walk outside tomorrow, be hit by a car and die. The accident I was in a few months ago demonstrates this truth as well. We were innocently driving to take a field trip and our tire blew. God's sovereign hand protected us, but I told the girls that the situation could have played out differently and it could have been our time to go. Each day is a gift from God and I think we all need to take time and ponder how we are living our lives. Are we living our lives in a way that brings glory to God? I think we too easily get caught up in the rat race of this world. Bigger houses, newer cars, designer clothes, kids in different activities, work, trying to look young, be thinner, worrying about being educated, etc. We get so busy trying to attain the world I wonder if we don't lose sight of why we are here on this earth. Psalm 39:4 says that our life is fleeting. We are compared to grass and flowers in Psalm 103:15-16, "Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone—as though we had never been here."
I think we need to ponder these questions: What are we here for? What is our purpose? What does my life even mean? None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So how should we be living our lives? More importantly, who should we be living our lives for? Romans 14:8 says, "If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." Can many of us truly say that we live for the Lord? Sold out, surrendered lives, committed and unashamed of the gospel, passionate for God? Are we actively serving our Savior in His last commission to us? Matthew 28:18-20 "Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” I know that my passionate plea to God for the past year has been for Him to use me and to use our family to bring Him glory. In the midst of this trial, I feel like God has been doing that. I was hoping to be used on a foreign mission field, but God chose this to be our mission field. I want to faithfully serve God in what He has called me to do so that one day when I face Him, I can hear Him say to me, "Well done my good and faithful servant." (Matt. 25:23)
God laid these verses on my heart tonight as I was driving home and I felt such an urging of the Holy Spirit to write these things. It is my prayer that people have receptive hearts to hear God calling all of us to number our days and to live for Him and not for this earth. God has a plan for each of our lives, we just have to surrender to Him and live to glorify Him in everything we say and do.
Philippians 2:9-11 "Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." One day, every single person on earth will fall to their knees and acknowledge that Jesus is Lord. To some He will be their Savior and others, He will be their judge. How will you choose to meet Him? God loves us dearly. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son Jesus to pay the penalty that we rightfully deserve (John 3:16, Romans 5:8). God is Holy, Omnipotent, Magnificent, Faithful, True, the list goes on. There is no way that we could ever reach Him or earn His love. He is beyond anything our minds can comprehend. His splendor and majesty brings people on their faces before Him throughout the Bible. We have to understand that we are all sinners and we deserve to die for our sins. Jesus lovingly took our place on that cross. He died a horrible death as He bore our sins in His body (1 Peter 2:23-24, Isaiah 53:5). Praise God the story doesn't end there. Three days later He conquered sin and death and He rose victorious from the grave and is now seated at the right hand of His Father. (1 Peter 1:3, Rom. 8:34, Rom. 6:9-10). He desires a relationship with you and me, to fellowship with us and show us who He is. He desires that each of us know Him and that we bring Him glory that is due Him. 1 Chronicles 16:28-29 "Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength! Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him! Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness;" When you behold God in the full splendor of who He is and realize the magnitude of your sin, and see the cross for the magnificent blessing it is, you can't help but fall on your face and surrender everything to God.
Each of our days are numbered. How are you going to live your days? Wayne and I pray that every day we have breath here on this earth, that we will bring glory to God and praise His name. Psalm 150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."
Harder Family
Friday, March 13, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Prayer & Perseverance
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15
Prayer is powerful! It is the way God has allowed us to access His throne and discover who He is in a more intimate way. I saw the quote below recently and thought it was applicable in our situation. We had been seeking God's wisdom for various things in our lives, and it seemed that He was either ignoring us, or just saying "no" to everything. Little did we know that He had something in store for us right where we were. Below it says, "Sometimes He delays His answers according to His wisdom and for our benefit." I now see so clearly that even though God's answers at the time seemed like "no", He was really getting us right to the spot He wanted us...in His perfect will.
"We come to God with our specific requests, and we have God's promise that our prayers are not in vain, even if we do not receive specifically what we asked for (Matthew 6:6; Romans 8:26-27). He has promised that when we ask for things that are in accordance with His will, He will give us what we ask for (1 John 5:14-15). Sometimes He delays His answers according to His wisdom and for our benefit. In these situations, we are to be diligent and persistent in prayer (Matthew 7:7; Luke 18:1-8). Prayer should not be seen as our means of getting God to do our will on earth, but rather as a means of getting God's will done on earth. God’s wisdom far exceeds our own." (www.gotquestions.org)
I believe prayer has been instrumental in this whole situation. The peace that Wayne and I have had throughout this whole process could only be from God. Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." There is no human explanation for what we've experienced. We know that we have people praying for us all across this country. It has been our prayer from the beginning that God is glorified and we've just been praying for His will to be done. God has heard our prayers and He has answered according to His great power. Thankfully, Wayne's success in surgery and quick recovery was part of His will!
All of this leads me to the update on Wayne that illustrates God's great power and how prayer is powerful. Wayne was transferred to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (RIC) this afternoon!! The insurance approved the request quickly and didn't drag their feet (praise the Lord!). Tomorrow morning Wayne will start intense rehabilitation. He will spend at least three hours a day: speech therapy, OT therapy, and physical therapy. Wayne has been persevering through all of this with such strength. I'm so proud of him and love seeing all the progress he is making. He was speaking in more sentences today. We did have another funny moment when he was trying to name a stethoscope. He kept trying and just being a sound or two off. He finally gave up as he laughed about it. What I look forward to the most is hearing Wayne pray again as he did in the video above!!
Today was a busy day for Wayne between being transferred from Northwestern Hospital to RIC and all his visitors. I drove the girls downtown today with his mom to see Wayne. it was the first time they had seen him since Sunday night. Everyone really enjoyed the visit. After I dropped the girls off at home, I ran to O'Hare and picked up our friends the Griffin's. The Griffins (Tyson and Renee) are from Georgia and Tyson went to Moody with Wayne. This is the type of friendship that lasts a lifetime and we are so thankful for them! We drove downtown and got to visit Wayne in his new room. Wayne started to get tired, so we left him and went to dinner. We met up with Catherine Shada, another great friend from Moody. I was able to let down and just laugh at dinner with them.
After we left for dinner, Wayne's friend Troy Parrish came to visit him. Mark and Zeljko also visited Wayne again. It is fun to see Wayne's face when people come and visit him. He perks up and you can tell he wants to actively participate in the conversation. Our friend Tyson read this verse to Wayne tonight. Ecclesiastes 5:2 "God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." Since Ecclesiastes is one of Wayne's favorite books in the Bible, I thought the verse was perfect for him.
Tomorrow I get to go visit Wayne again and I'll be bringing him some new clothes to wear. He gets to replace the hospital gown with comfortable clothes that he can exercise in while he does therapy. Each step gets us closer to bringing him home!! Pray that God gives us guidance for each step along this journey. I'm trying not to worry or fret about things, but thinking ahead about radiation/chemo can be overwhelming at times. I just have to remember how God has brought us this far...He won't abandon us now.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Progress...
Habakkuk 3:19 "God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places."
Wayne is making a lot of progress. When I showed up this morning, he was back to where he was yesterday afternoon and was actually doing even better. He worked again with the speech therapists and he said that he did better then yesterday. As soon as our insurance approves it, Wayne will be moving to rehabilitation. He is excelling like crazy and is my hero! Monday was surgery and he went to ICU, Tuesday afternoon he was transferred out of the ICU, and if things go perfect tomorrow with the insurance, he'll go to rehab on Thursday. The only delay at this point in him moving on is the insurance. They want to get him into rehabilitation ASAP to help him move along since he is making such phenomenal progress. I'm just so amazed at how well he is doing. His drain was removed this morning (I thankfully left the room) and he got out of bed a few times today and sat in chair. He's just exceeding everything we were told and what I expected.
Before Wayne's surgery, he was asked by an anesthesiologist if Wayne would participate in a survey after his surgery. Wayne was surveyed by that anesthesiologist today. The anesthesiologist, Miguel, is from Spain and is doing a fellowship in Chicago. He is one of the nicest doctors I have met. He told Wayne today that he's had a few patients that have made an impression on him, but he said Wayne is his favorite patient ever. He said Wayne was amazing in surgery and worked so hard and never complained. Miguel told Wayne he isn't sure he could have done as well as Wayne. He also told Wayne even though the survey is done, he wants to come back tomorrow just to see Wayne. During the awake surgery survey, I found out that Wayne was fully aware of the entire end of the surgery. They didn't knock him out and he experienced all the pain as they closed him up. I also learned that when he said, "They lied", he wasn't completely crazy. Since he was awake, he heard the doctors say that they got 95%+ of the tumor. He was letting me know that the 99% I was told wasn't the truth. One doctor has told me 95%, and the other has said 99%. Either way, both are great outcomes for tumor removal. It just breaks my heart to think that Wayne had to endure all that extra pain at the end.
In the midst of all the doctors and nurses coming in and out of the room, we were able to have some quality time together. We found something we could do together that didn't put too much pressure on him to speak. I spent quite a bit of time reading to Wayne today (about 50 pages) from George Mueller's autobiography. I'm still trying to learn the balance of trying to help Wayne when he needs it, but giving him space to do things on his own. He wants to do most things on his own and it is hard to just sit back and watch him struggle.
One of the highlights of today was a funny interaction between a technician and Wayne. The technician came in and asked Wayne if he was done eating his lunch. Wayne was trying to speak and then said, "In so far as much". I couldn't help myself and just started laughing, trying to hide my face in my book. He then found the word and said, "Yes." All of us had a good chuckle over that conversation. I told Wayne that maybe he'd be an eloquent writer after this is all said and done with large, fancy sentences like that.
Wayne's friend Pete Oakley came again during lunch to visit. He came bearing gifts of Belgium chocolate and encouraging verses. Later in the evening, Wayne's co-workers (Zack, Mark, David, Mike, and Zeljko) came and visited him. It was great to see Wayne laughing and smiling at all the banter. At one point he even broke out in a full sentence to remind David about a client! I guess he is feeling pretty good if he is thinking about work.
Overall, today was a great day. As Wayne told Pete when Pete asked how he was doing he said, "Day by day." It reminds me of Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." One day at a time, and one step at a time while leaning on Jesus to get us through the day.
Wayne is making a lot of progress. When I showed up this morning, he was back to where he was yesterday afternoon and was actually doing even better. He worked again with the speech therapists and he said that he did better then yesterday. As soon as our insurance approves it, Wayne will be moving to rehabilitation. He is excelling like crazy and is my hero! Monday was surgery and he went to ICU, Tuesday afternoon he was transferred out of the ICU, and if things go perfect tomorrow with the insurance, he'll go to rehab on Thursday. The only delay at this point in him moving on is the insurance. They want to get him into rehabilitation ASAP to help him move along since he is making such phenomenal progress. I'm just so amazed at how well he is doing. His drain was removed this morning (I thankfully left the room) and he got out of bed a few times today and sat in chair. He's just exceeding everything we were told and what I expected.
Before Wayne's surgery, he was asked by an anesthesiologist if Wayne would participate in a survey after his surgery. Wayne was surveyed by that anesthesiologist today. The anesthesiologist, Miguel, is from Spain and is doing a fellowship in Chicago. He is one of the nicest doctors I have met. He told Wayne today that he's had a few patients that have made an impression on him, but he said Wayne is his favorite patient ever. He said Wayne was amazing in surgery and worked so hard and never complained. Miguel told Wayne he isn't sure he could have done as well as Wayne. He also told Wayne even though the survey is done, he wants to come back tomorrow just to see Wayne. During the awake surgery survey, I found out that Wayne was fully aware of the entire end of the surgery. They didn't knock him out and he experienced all the pain as they closed him up. I also learned that when he said, "They lied", he wasn't completely crazy. Since he was awake, he heard the doctors say that they got 95%+ of the tumor. He was letting me know that the 99% I was told wasn't the truth. One doctor has told me 95%, and the other has said 99%. Either way, both are great outcomes for tumor removal. It just breaks my heart to think that Wayne had to endure all that extra pain at the end.
In the midst of all the doctors and nurses coming in and out of the room, we were able to have some quality time together. We found something we could do together that didn't put too much pressure on him to speak. I spent quite a bit of time reading to Wayne today (about 50 pages) from George Mueller's autobiography. I'm still trying to learn the balance of trying to help Wayne when he needs it, but giving him space to do things on his own. He wants to do most things on his own and it is hard to just sit back and watch him struggle.
One of the highlights of today was a funny interaction between a technician and Wayne. The technician came in and asked Wayne if he was done eating his lunch. Wayne was trying to speak and then said, "In so far as much". I couldn't help myself and just started laughing, trying to hide my face in my book. He then found the word and said, "Yes." All of us had a good chuckle over that conversation. I told Wayne that maybe he'd be an eloquent writer after this is all said and done with large, fancy sentences like that.
Wayne's friend Pete Oakley came again during lunch to visit. He came bearing gifts of Belgium chocolate and encouraging verses. Later in the evening, Wayne's co-workers (Zack, Mark, David, Mike, and Zeljko) came and visited him. It was great to see Wayne laughing and smiling at all the banter. At one point he even broke out in a full sentence to remind David about a client! I guess he is feeling pretty good if he is thinking about work.
Overall, today was a great day. As Wayne told Pete when Pete asked how he was doing he said, "Day by day." It reminds me of Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." One day at a time, and one step at a time while leaning on Jesus to get us through the day.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
The Good and The Bad
Romans 5:3-5 "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Today was a great day for Wayne. He looks amazing for just having brain surgery. He was quick to answer the neurosurgeon's questions, such as what is the date, your name, what is this? At one point when struggling to find the words, he broke out with the word anesthesiologist! The nurses and doctors seem very pleased with his progress. He worked with a speech therapist today and she said he did amazing. He far exceeded where most patients are one day post-op. He was reading sentences, could name things and match them to pictures, could say his abc's, say the months, and was even able to do a simple math problem.
Wayne had a few visitors today. His mom, Connie, was able to come downtown and see him. That meant a lot to both of them. Thank you to Pastor Rob for being the taxi! Pastor Rob ministered to Wayne with scripture and some of his lame jokes. After that, Pete Oakley stopped by during his lunch break. He also read some scripture to Wayne, specifically Psalms 139. I know Wayne enjoyed the time with friends, he was just frustrated when he couldn't talk or communicate what he was thinking. On a positive note, all day when he was getting frustrated or couldn't find a word, he would just chuckle at himself. It was refreshing to hear him laugh and try to stay positive, even though it is frustrating. We also had a good laugh in the morning. I told him the nurse had told me the night before that he wouldn't remember anything we talked about during that time. So, I told Wayne last night he promised to buy me a new ring when he gets out of the hospital. We had a good laugh over that since it has been a running joke for some years.
Dr. Chandler said that the MRI from this morning shows that they got 99% of the tumor! He is super thrilled with the results, which means I am super excited. He did warn Wayne that he may see some set backs the next day or so due to swelling. The swelling can cause delays in the progress he is making, and might even make his symptoms temporarily appear worse for a day or so.
That brings us to the "bad" part of today. We started seeing some setbacks tonight. Wayne was very agitated/frustrated when he was trying to talk to me. Some of the words he was able to say earlier today were hard for him to say tonight, he even struggled to find them. I feel helpless and I just try to be there for him. It is so hard though on both of us. I don't know what he wants or what I can do to help him since he can't communicate it, and he can't tell me what would help him, which frustrates him.
God has been reminding me though tonight that each trial brings stronger character and character produces hope. It also is teaching me to have further dependence on Him for strength. I can't do this on my own, I need His strength. Isaiah 40:29-31 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak, even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in The Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
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A picture from before surgery and a picture this morning after surgery (bottom one)
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Today was a great day for Wayne. He looks amazing for just having brain surgery. He was quick to answer the neurosurgeon's questions, such as what is the date, your name, what is this? At one point when struggling to find the words, he broke out with the word anesthesiologist! The nurses and doctors seem very pleased with his progress. He worked with a speech therapist today and she said he did amazing. He far exceeded where most patients are one day post-op. He was reading sentences, could name things and match them to pictures, could say his abc's, say the months, and was even able to do a simple math problem.
Wayne had a few visitors today. His mom, Connie, was able to come downtown and see him. That meant a lot to both of them. Thank you to Pastor Rob for being the taxi! Pastor Rob ministered to Wayne with scripture and some of his lame jokes. After that, Pete Oakley stopped by during his lunch break. He also read some scripture to Wayne, specifically Psalms 139. I know Wayne enjoyed the time with friends, he was just frustrated when he couldn't talk or communicate what he was thinking. On a positive note, all day when he was getting frustrated or couldn't find a word, he would just chuckle at himself. It was refreshing to hear him laugh and try to stay positive, even though it is frustrating. We also had a good laugh in the morning. I told him the nurse had told me the night before that he wouldn't remember anything we talked about during that time. So, I told Wayne last night he promised to buy me a new ring when he gets out of the hospital. We had a good laugh over that since it has been a running joke for some years.
Dr. Chandler said that the MRI from this morning shows that they got 99% of the tumor! He is super thrilled with the results, which means I am super excited. He did warn Wayne that he may see some set backs the next day or so due to swelling. The swelling can cause delays in the progress he is making, and might even make his symptoms temporarily appear worse for a day or so.
That brings us to the "bad" part of today. We started seeing some setbacks tonight. Wayne was very agitated/frustrated when he was trying to talk to me. Some of the words he was able to say earlier today were hard for him to say tonight, he even struggled to find them. I feel helpless and I just try to be there for him. It is so hard though on both of us. I don't know what he wants or what I can do to help him since he can't communicate it, and he can't tell me what would help him, which frustrates him.
God has been reminding me though tonight that each trial brings stronger character and character produces hope. It also is teaching me to have further dependence on Him for strength. I can't do this on my own, I need His strength. Isaiah 40:29-31 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak, even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in The Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
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A picture from before surgery and a picture this morning after surgery (bottom one)
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Monday, March 9, 2015
Omnipotent (All Powerful), Sovereign God
Psalm 103:1-3 "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise The Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases."
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1 John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him."
Yesterday, I could feel God preparing us for today. We knew it would be a long day and it lived up to being just that. God laid it on my heart to sing the song "Blessings" for Wayne at church. Somehow God enabled me to make it through the song. It was my heart crying out to God that I trusted Him with the outcome of today. Our purpose in all of this was to give God all the glory, and I pray that He has received just that.
Last night, some friends arranged to have a prayer vigil at our house. We had friends from church, mountain biking, our homeschool group, from Classical Conversations surround our house and Wayne in prayer. It was a powerful time of worship and I could sense the presence of the Lord in our midst. I could feel God comforting me and reminding me that He is in control and that He loves Wayne even more then I do.
We left for the hospital early this morning, around 4:45. When we arrived, Wayne was whisked away to get his MRI. After they were done, we were brought to our pre-op room. We learned there that Wayne was scheduled for surgery at 12:15. That time came and went as the surgery before him went over the scheduled time. While waiting, the different doctors and anesthesiologists came in and explained the surgery to Wayne. We found out that he was going to be fully awake during the whole brain surgery (we had heard this before, but we were under the impression that he would only be awake while they mapped his brain). They said they would sedate him for the beginning and end of the surgery, but he would feel the pressure of the head brace and would feel the vibrations of the saw as they cut open his skull. Needless to say, Wayne was nervous, but took it like a champ. The last few minutes before he went off to surgery, we spent some precious time praying together and reading scriptures (Ps 40-41, Isaiah 40, Ecc. 1, 9). We were trusting God regardless of the outcome, but believing Him to do what He is capable of doing...bringing complete healing.
The wait was long, but I had a great support team. My sisters (Sarah and Rachel) were with me the whole time, as well as my other "sister" Maria. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and encouragement. I finally decided to head to the hotel to take a little nap since they were "half way" through the surgery time they told us. While I was gone, they called to say they were done with the extraction part and were sewing Wayne up. Before I could get back, Dr. Chandler came to see me. Thankfully, my sister Sarah and Maria were there. They took wonderful notes on what he told them. After I arrived, the other neurosurgeon, Dr. Tate, came to talk to me. He said that Wayne's brain had moved things around and that they were able to be aggressive in the extraction process. Dr. Chandler told my sister they got about 99% of the tumor, which is far greater then what they had initially hoped they could get. Dr. Tate told me that Wayne was already talking, could count to ten, knew his name and my name, and could move his right arm and leg. They were super thrilled with these results because we had been told since the tumor was in the SMA area, he would probably have speech and motor loss temporarily for around 10 days. Just this morning, my friend Stephanie asked me for any specific prayer requests for today. I told her it would be awesome if Wayne could wake up from surgery and talk...to defy the odds the doctors gave him. I mean, we have the Great Physician on our medical team, so why couldn't that happen for Wayne. That is just what God did. Not only were they able to get almost all of the tumor, Wayne came out with minimal SMA. His surgery also took significantly less time then they predicted. The doctors say they are confident that Wayne will make a complete recovery to his "baseline" in no time.
I finally got to see Wayne tonight around 7:30. It took me off guard to see Wayne in the condition he was. I would hate to see a patient who wasn't doing well, since they were all thrilled with his progress. He was struggling for words, but kept squeezing my hand. He was able to say he loved me, as well as today's date, his full name, and my name. He did freak me out when I told him what the doctors said. He told me, "They lied, they lied." He kept repeating it and I momentarily was shaken up. I quickly realized it was probably the effects of the drugs and surgery. The nurse confirmed this later and told me that it possibly could be that he wants to say another word and can't find it right now. By the time I left after 9, he was able to get out that he wanted water and he thanked his nurse. He was still struggling and frustrated, but I could already see progress.
I have to admit, it was very difficult for me to see Wayne lying in the hospital bed struggling to talk. At one point I thought I was going to be sick and I had to sit down. Thank you to all the nurses who do this work all the time...my hat comes off to you. Just seeing Wayne in this condition, and seeing the drain coming out of his head was enough to make me nauseous. I was able to muster enough energy and strength to be with him until the resident doctor came and checked him out. Shortly after that, I headed to the hotel to get some sleep (which I plan on doing when I'm done posting this).
Tomorrow morning the plan is to get back to the hospital early to see Wayne. Hopefully we will get a great update from the neurosurgeons. Today was a huge answer to prayer. To everyone who has been lifting out family up before the throne of God, THANK YOU! God in his Sovereign plan allowed all of this to happen, but in His Sovereign plan, He also has this healing planned. I know that we still have a journey ahead of us, but we also have the Great Physician, Jehovah Rapha!! God is good, and His faithfulness endures forever. He still would have been good if His answer were different, but I'm going to praise Him for the answer He chose to give us today.
Lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
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1 John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him."
Yesterday, I could feel God preparing us for today. We knew it would be a long day and it lived up to being just that. God laid it on my heart to sing the song "Blessings" for Wayne at church. Somehow God enabled me to make it through the song. It was my heart crying out to God that I trusted Him with the outcome of today. Our purpose in all of this was to give God all the glory, and I pray that He has received just that.
Last night, some friends arranged to have a prayer vigil at our house. We had friends from church, mountain biking, our homeschool group, from Classical Conversations surround our house and Wayne in prayer. It was a powerful time of worship and I could sense the presence of the Lord in our midst. I could feel God comforting me and reminding me that He is in control and that He loves Wayne even more then I do.
We left for the hospital early this morning, around 4:45. When we arrived, Wayne was whisked away to get his MRI. After they were done, we were brought to our pre-op room. We learned there that Wayne was scheduled for surgery at 12:15. That time came and went as the surgery before him went over the scheduled time. While waiting, the different doctors and anesthesiologists came in and explained the surgery to Wayne. We found out that he was going to be fully awake during the whole brain surgery (we had heard this before, but we were under the impression that he would only be awake while they mapped his brain). They said they would sedate him for the beginning and end of the surgery, but he would feel the pressure of the head brace and would feel the vibrations of the saw as they cut open his skull. Needless to say, Wayne was nervous, but took it like a champ. The last few minutes before he went off to surgery, we spent some precious time praying together and reading scriptures (Ps 40-41, Isaiah 40, Ecc. 1, 9). We were trusting God regardless of the outcome, but believing Him to do what He is capable of doing...bringing complete healing.
The wait was long, but I had a great support team. My sisters (Sarah and Rachel) were with me the whole time, as well as my other "sister" Maria. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and encouragement. I finally decided to head to the hotel to take a little nap since they were "half way" through the surgery time they told us. While I was gone, they called to say they were done with the extraction part and were sewing Wayne up. Before I could get back, Dr. Chandler came to see me. Thankfully, my sister Sarah and Maria were there. They took wonderful notes on what he told them. After I arrived, the other neurosurgeon, Dr. Tate, came to talk to me. He said that Wayne's brain had moved things around and that they were able to be aggressive in the extraction process. Dr. Chandler told my sister they got about 99% of the tumor, which is far greater then what they had initially hoped they could get. Dr. Tate told me that Wayne was already talking, could count to ten, knew his name and my name, and could move his right arm and leg. They were super thrilled with these results because we had been told since the tumor was in the SMA area, he would probably have speech and motor loss temporarily for around 10 days. Just this morning, my friend Stephanie asked me for any specific prayer requests for today. I told her it would be awesome if Wayne could wake up from surgery and talk...to defy the odds the doctors gave him. I mean, we have the Great Physician on our medical team, so why couldn't that happen for Wayne. That is just what God did. Not only were they able to get almost all of the tumor, Wayne came out with minimal SMA. His surgery also took significantly less time then they predicted. The doctors say they are confident that Wayne will make a complete recovery to his "baseline" in no time.
I finally got to see Wayne tonight around 7:30. It took me off guard to see Wayne in the condition he was. I would hate to see a patient who wasn't doing well, since they were all thrilled with his progress. He was struggling for words, but kept squeezing my hand. He was able to say he loved me, as well as today's date, his full name, and my name. He did freak me out when I told him what the doctors said. He told me, "They lied, they lied." He kept repeating it and I momentarily was shaken up. I quickly realized it was probably the effects of the drugs and surgery. The nurse confirmed this later and told me that it possibly could be that he wants to say another word and can't find it right now. By the time I left after 9, he was able to get out that he wanted water and he thanked his nurse. He was still struggling and frustrated, but I could already see progress.
I have to admit, it was very difficult for me to see Wayne lying in the hospital bed struggling to talk. At one point I thought I was going to be sick and I had to sit down. Thank you to all the nurses who do this work all the time...my hat comes off to you. Just seeing Wayne in this condition, and seeing the drain coming out of his head was enough to make me nauseous. I was able to muster enough energy and strength to be with him until the resident doctor came and checked him out. Shortly after that, I headed to the hotel to get some sleep (which I plan on doing when I'm done posting this).
Tomorrow morning the plan is to get back to the hospital early to see Wayne. Hopefully we will get a great update from the neurosurgeons. Today was a huge answer to prayer. To everyone who has been lifting out family up before the throne of God, THANK YOU! God in his Sovereign plan allowed all of this to happen, but in His Sovereign plan, He also has this healing planned. I know that we still have a journey ahead of us, but we also have the Great Physician, Jehovah Rapha!! God is good, and His faithfulness endures forever. He still would have been good if His answer were different, but I'm going to praise Him for the answer He chose to give us today.
Lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Update on Wayne
I just got a call from the OR. Wayne's surgery officially started at 3:19. They said he is doing great. Surgery should last 4-5 hours. He is going to be fully awake during the whole surgery, except when they stitch him up. At that time, he will be sedated. They'll take him straight to the ICU when he is finished.
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