Harder Family

Harder Family

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Update 3/6/24: Fear is a Liar

Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

Jeremiah 17:14 “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise!”

Fear is a sneaky little thing. It can be subtle as it first comes at you. Suddenly, it pounces and it can cause you to feel paralyzed. This happened to me last week. I read something online about my cancer that sent me spiraling. I felt overwhelmed with fearful thoughts. I know scriptures like we are to take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5), and do it be anxious about anything (Phil 4:6-7), but in that moment, fear pounced and was threatening to paralyze me. After spending some time in prayer, I reached out to a few people to pray for me. One of them sent me a few verses, including the verses above. I could feel people’s prayers helping me and I felt peace. 

During the night, I was assaulted once again. It seemed like every time I woke up, I was instantly hit with fearful thoughts. In the book of Psalm, we see David cry out to God a lot at night too. It’s like satan likes to hit us when we are the most vulnerable. Psalm 77:2 says, “In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my souls refuses to be comforted.” Or in Psalm 22:2-3 “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. YET, You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.” I realized today that I was getting to put into practice what I have been reading about, learning how to lament and be brutally honest with God. I told Him that this diagnosis scares me and that I’m weary. I told Him I’m praying for a complete healing, and yet I trust His plan for my life. As much as I fear not being here for my kids and them growing up without parents, I also know that He loves them even more then I could imagine and He will take care of them if we aren’t around. So, I can rest peacefully knowing that they are in the best hands…God’s hands. Meanwhile, we keep pressing on and trusting God with the future. 

Update Wayne: Wayne’s palliative team came the other day. They couldn’t believe how well Wayne was doing. She said he looked better now than he did 6 weeks ago. Wayne walks around the house again with a cane and we have even ventured to the gym for him to walk on a flat surface. Thankfully, he is much more cautious now and doesn’t push himself too hard. I believe he learned his lesson with his broken ankle. 

He also continues to work hard on speech. Not being able to communicate clearly has been the hardest thing on him, and to be honest, is hard on all of us. It takes a lot of patience to wait for him to try to speak and sometimes, a guessing game ensues. We are all thankful that he is doing as well as he is. Once again, we are reminded that doctors are wonderful, but only God numbers our days. As Wayne says, God isn’t done with him yet. 

Rebecca Update: It has been one full week since I completed my radiation, which has been wonderful. I don’t miss the daily drive to Lexington! If you missed it, God provided a gong for me to borrow. Below is a quick clip of me banging my gong to show my radiation was over. I felt silly, but also seen by God. I made the most of this celebration by spending some time relaxing and enjoyed some fun food with the family. Now I’m back to buckling down: eating right and exercising. 

When I reached out to one of my friends that I mentioned above, she made me some laminated verse cards with the verses my other friend shared. It was totally God’s perfect timing. She was traveling from IN to WV and passed right by our house. Jennifer, and Jody, have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you for the special gift! 🩷

My sister and I celebrated the end of radiation with Indian food! 

I brought cupcakes to my oncology and radiation team as a thank you for all that they do for me. I love all of them!

Lots of vegetables and fruit! Eating to keep my body strong and keep cancer at bay.

I grew my own sprouts! This is a new adventure I’ve added to making my own kombucha and juicing. It only took 4 days to grow my own sprouts. I read they are supposed to be a great cancer fighting food, so I’ve added it to my daily menu.

Wayne at counseling. Cornelius decided that he liked Wayne. At first he was unsure because Wayne was so tall, but he quickly realized Wayne is sweet.

Cooking class with friends.

PE for school 

Celebrating Dr. Seuss: reading books, diagramming Dr. Seuss sentences, and of course eating goldfish and Swedish fish along the way.

We spent Saturday and Sunday at church for missions emphasis. We cheered Shan on during the cornhole tournament and my cookies sold for $400, which all goes to support the youth mission trip fund. It’s always a fun evening. 

Wayne hasn’t lost his touch! He looks good with a baby in his arms.

My friend Juyi, who is from Taiwan, sent gifts home with her son Jujubi. We had a very nice visit with him and I cannot wait to cook with the XO sauce he brought to us. His mom makes the best!!

Sophia may get mad at me, but I’m so proud of her and her accomplishments with Civil Air Patrol. She persevered with a sprained ankle traveling all over DC for the week. She had meetings with congressional leaders and even met with Andy Barr. Sophia still hasn’t 100% given up her dream of West Point and she is one step closer to that becoming a reality. 

Sophia took this picture for my dad, who loved James Bond.

What a great group of young people! I’m so glad we discovered Civil Air Patrol! 

Some fun Facebook memories from this day: this was right before Wayne’s brain surgery in 2015 for his cancer. Below: Wayne taking the girls sledding.

I had to recuse Grace today. She was as waiting at the light to go get gas, and she ran out of gas. Like father like daughter! This is her walk of shame.🤣

Prayer Requests:

- Wayne: that his speech improves and that we are able to get him into a new PT/speech program at Clark Hospital so that he can be challenged more with PT. Just pray that we continue to make the most of every day. 

- Rebecca: please just pray for me as my body heals for treatment and for my pet-scan that will be happening in a few weeks. Please pray for a complete healing from this cancer so that I can spend many more years with my kids. 

- Kids: Grace and Naomi are traveling to FL in a week. Grace will be joining her Life Action team in FL and Naomi will be staying with friends and volunteering at Ethnos360 for a few days. Please pray for a safe drive and that God would use each of them. Please also pray for Naomi as she is making decisions about next year. 

Abigail is looking for a job and so far isn’t having any luck. Please pray that God brings the right job her way. 

We decided to send Micaela and Joella to school next year. Please pray for all of us as we make this transition. It will be the first time in 13 years that I won’t be homeschooling. With all that has gone on this year, we thought it would be wise to give everyone a break and give them a chance to get out of the house since this year has been hard on them. 

A friend sent me this song and I thought I would share it.  

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