Psalm 139:17-18 “How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.”
January 17 at 10am will be Wayne’s celebration of life at Grace Baptist Church in Winchester, KY. We will be live streaming it for those who cannot make it.
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God cares about the little things in our lives, because He loves and cares about us. The past 40 hours have been difficult on our family, and yet we have felt Jesus carrying us each step. The kids and I were discussing how it feels like we are in a nightmare that you can’t wake up from one moment, and the next it feels like Wayne is just gone for the day. It is so surreal that he is not coming back.
To help with the grief, I’m going to document all the little ways God shows up for us and points us back to Him. I will share them with you, to point you back to him too! We may be facing different trials or hard times, but God is still the same.
The first God wink happened last night when I was trying to fall asleep (which is hard to do just hours after losing the love of your life). A sweet friend, that I met in China while we were adopting our boys, reached out to me. She told me that God woke her up at 6:15am. She said her heart was heavy for us and she prayed for us. She was surrounding me in prayer as Wayne was taking his last breath. Today I heard from another friend who said the same thing. God knew what was going on and knew that I needed the prayers of others to help me through that moment of losing Wayne. I felt a sweet hug from God last night as I went to sleep…even though Wayne’s spot in bed was empty.
The reality of it all hit today when we buried Wayne. He always wanted to be buried in a pine box like scenes from the western movies he loved to watch. He also didn’t want to be embalmed, so that meant he had to buried quickly. A friend from church had made Wayne his coffin two years ago when we thought Wayne was dying. I had never seen the coffin until today. It was beautifully crafted and fit Wayne so well. At the burial, we had another God wink. It was cloudy all day today, but the minute we dropped Wayne’s casket into the ground, the sky burst open and sun radiated down on us. You can actually see the progression in the pictures below. The sky was shining down on Wayne’s casket and then you see the clouds roll away. It was as if God was reminding us that Wayne is in the presence of Light of the World and we can celebrate his going home. It was beauty in the midst of pain! Isn’t that the way God works though? It’s usually during the trials and difficulties in life that we grow closer to Him and He shows up in big ways.
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We appreciate all the prayers! I know the prayers are keeping us going. We have been reminiscing through videos and photos. It’s amazing to find joy in the sorrow…but it’s there because of Jesus and the hope He brings our souls. Our days may feel fragile and short, but they are held in strong, eternal hands of the One who made all things and knows us by name. Tomorrow may feel uncertain, but I can frustrate Jesus with each day. I know He will carry us!
Thank you to everyone who has stepped up to help us, it’s been overwhelming and we can feel your love. I do have a couple prayer requests, because everything just feels extra heavy now: Joella has an MRI Tuesday for what they think is a cyst on her foot, please pray it’s something simple they can surgically remove. The following Tuesday, I have a follow up CT scan for my cancer. I postponed it because of all the things that we were dealing with Wayne. I’d appreciate extra prayers that it is all clear. I have now transitioned into the survivorship stage where I will be seen every 3 months for two years and then every six months for three years. It’s a little extra scary now that Wayne is gone. Please pray for peace with this as well.
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