Philippians 1:21-23 "For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and the living."
Life has been crazy and I realized it has been a month since I have updated the blog. Today marks three months since Wayne went home to be with Jesus. I have to be honest, the last week or so has been super hard. Although I know grief comes in waves, the waves this last week have been pretty intense. Our local hospice social worker sent me a letter and mentioned that the third month tends to be extra hard. I guess the busyness has slowed down and the numbness starts to fade, which means the reality of your loved one being gone truly hits. Grief is messy! We experienced that this week as a family...tears, anger, fears, screaming, and lots more tears. But in the middle of it, we learn more about each other and love each other more deeply. We discovered that we all grieve differently and that we cannot put our expectations of what grief should look like on others.
We are all learning and growing through this whole experience. One thing that has been helping me is to daily journal and write three new things that I am thankful for from the day. When you have a heart of thankfulness, it helps your perspective. It doesn't change that some days I cry off and on all day, but I can still find joy in the middle of the sorrow. It's like living in a dual reality...trying to keep moving forward in life, while part of your heart is lost.
Here is an update on what has happened the last month:
Moana is growing like a weed. She is now as big as Bo.
Joella and Micaela traveled to Gatlinburg with their Beta team.
Joella had surgery on her foot two days before the trip and then managed to fall and sprain her wrist the first day there. She was a hot mess!
We removed this bonus growth from her foot.
Moana enjoys coming to work with me one day a week. I still work one day a week with a local CPA. Moana came from her, so she has me bring Moana, which is great for her socialization.
Shan helped me re-cover all our kitchen seats. It was a whole day project, but they look so much better.
Micaela and Joella enjoyed attending their school's dance.
We traveled to Nashville for the day to attend a special St Patricks Day concert by Rend Collective. While in Nashville, we had to visit In'n'Out! The concert was amazing and was a great reprieve. We did decide driving to and from Nashville in one day after a concert is just too much (for future reference).
Rend Collective made it possible for the kids to meet them before the concert. This made all of their day!
Abigail and Elijah recently served with Inheritance of Hope at their Orlando retreat. I love seeing my kids give back to the amazing organization that served our family four years ago. They continue to serve us through weekly support groups (Life After Loss and Just Show Up Book Club) and other ways, like writing our family a song.
Grief is messy and my upstairs wall can attest to this. The kids had a little intense moment the other night, which resulted in a foot accidentally going through the wall. Naomi did not tell me, but completely fixed the wall while we had a garage sale. She did a great job and then told me what had happened. LOL!
Joella had a 48 hour EEG to see if she has outgrown her seizures. She recreated the same pose Wayne did when he had his 48 hour EEG.
Nicole and I enjoyed seeing Phil Wickham in concert in KY. It was an awesome worship service, which carried over into Sunday morning. I felt such a closeness to God...worship music has a way to reach my soul.
Joella spent the day with her friend riding four wheelers and visiting friends.
Diagramming sentences has been such a therapeutic exercise for me. It allows me to slow down to study God's Word and see things that I haven't seen before. I decided to study Psalm 23 since our book club has been reading a fabulous book called A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23. Between that book and sentence diagramming, Psalm 23 has come alive in new and deeper ways.
Prayer Requests:
- Please keep praying for our family as we navigate this grief and learn to walk in dual realities.
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