Harder Family

Harder Family

Thursday, October 12, 2023

Update 10/12/23: Difficult Days

Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Today has been a difficult day. First of all, the reality of my appointment yesterday with the oncologist hit me hard. When I returned home from taking the kids to counseling and CAP, I found out Wayne had another seizure while we were gone. I had left him resting safely in bed since chemo knocks him out. I literally fell apart when I heard he had another seizure. That makes 4 seizures in 5 days. It all worked out and he is okay, but the sucky reality we are living just hit me all at once. How in the world are two parents supposed to both survive chemo treatments while caring for their family? So many questions and emotions hit me at once and I just broke down. 

Although I felt relief being able to express some pent up emotions, I literally could hardly breathe. I love Wayne so much because he grabbed my hands and said, “Let’s pray!” I don’t know how to convey how much of a change that made in the moment. God invites us to boldly come before Him and talk to Him. Through tears, I was able to ask God to give us His yoke, which is He tells us is easier, because we cannot do this on our own…it is too heavy for us to bear and I am completely broken. God needs to carry us because today revealed some days we can hardly walk under the full burden of these trials. 

Yesterday, I met my oncologist with Wayne and my sister, Sarah. Dr. Cottrill told us everything we needed to know about what is coming up. I felt like I was in front of a fire hydrant of information. The plan is for me to do 4 chemo treatments every three weeks. I am still waiting to hear on the official start date, but it looks like I will be starting chemo either 10/20 or 10/27. I will be receiving two chemo drugs and immunotherapy. From the sounds of it, I will be at the hospital for a whole day (1 hour for one chemo, 3 hours for the other chemo, 2 hours for immunotherapy, plus the pre-medicine to help with symptoms). After chemo treatments, I will have 5-6 weeks of radiation. I meet the radiation doctor on Wednesday and then I have “chemo education” on Thursday. After radiation, we have a backup plan to possibly continue immunotherapy for up to 3 years!

On top of all this fun stuff coming up, I have a colonoscopy on Monday. I was due on a few months for one, but given my potential genetic issue, they want to check out my colon since endometrial and colon cancer are common. Once again, the sum of all these things going on just is overwhelming.

Last night I had to drop three of the kids off at church since Naomi was already there. It was just supposed to be a quick drop off, but I found myself drawn into the sanctuary for the weekly prayer meeting. I believe the Holy Spirit led me there to encourage my heart. When you are wallowing in your own issues, it’s a great reminder that others are going through difficult times too. Praying over the people in Israel was a humbling time. They are enduring terrible atrocities and it was a great attitude adjustment.

Wayne completed day three of chemo tonight. He is once again feeling it pretty bad. Our main concern right now are these seizures. Last time the seizures started, it showed tumor growth. We are praying it’s just the side effects of chem.

Life just feels so overwhelming. Do you know how hard it is to hear your baby express that she’s terrified of being an orphan? It is heartbreaking and it all just feels like too much. 

Joella has an online support group that she joins on Monday nights through IOH. Such a gift to her, especially right now.

Joella is our biggest cuddle bug. She loves spending time with both of us!🩷

My first Sunday back in church after surgery. There is nothing like being in church in person.

I love my CAP cadets (Shan ran off before I could take a picture of him).

Prayer Requests:

- Wisdom for Wayne’s doctors to figure out the seizure issue and for strength to endure the last two days of treatment.

- My colonoscopy (clear test), for strength to face chemo and little/no side effects (I know God is big enough to handle this on my behalf, so pray big with me that I make it through these treatments with little/no side effects), and peace as I try to prepare for the months of treatments ahead of me.

- For our kids who are enduring so much. I know some of their ADD/ADHD symptoms are really just their way of handling all that is going on, but it’s impacting their ability to do school.

- Naomi and Abigail as they serve families at Inheritance of Hope this weekend. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Rebecca, I work with Rachel. We’re all praying for you and your family. Someone else on our team shared this with me this morning, and God put it on my heart to share with you. https://www.bible.com/en/videos/43650?orientation=PORTRAIT&utm_source=YVAPP&utm_medium=SHARE&utm_content=TEACHING_CLIP

    We’re sending so much love and prayers your way for tomorrow. Please know that there are so many more of us thinking of and praying for you and your entire family as you go through this.