Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anyone, for the former things have passed away."
It has been 182 days and 13 hours since Wayne took his last breath here on earth. Sometimes I'm so busy trying to keep up with the kids and all the things, that it doesn't feel real. I think maybe I'll find Wayne taking a nap in our room and can tell him all about my day. Then reality smacks me in the face and I'm reminded all over again that he is gone...and then my heart breaks all over again. Sometimes in those moments, it is hard to breathe. Since I started back to work, I feel like a robot some days. Although the routine and being busy is nice and distracting, I have mixed feelings about not being able to sit and process through all that has happened. Literally, my life was turned upside down six months ago and I'm still trying to find my bearings. I know if I could tell Wayne all about what is going on, he'd tell me that I'm doing a great job and keep going. God has opened this door and allowed this season in my life for a reason. I don't understand it at all, but I will keep trusting Him with all the unknowns.
Wayne wouldn't want us to sit around and be sad, but sometimes it is hard not to be lost without him by my side. Our trip out west was no different. Wayne loved the Tetons when we visited and it was on our list to visit again. When he told me to take the trip, he also said to stay and enjoy the Tetons. Sadly, he wasn't with us, but we went and enjoyed it for him, just as he requested. I remember how he told me to trust Jesus and keep living each day. That is what we are trying our best to do.
I had an emotional drive in to work. As I listened to my music, two of the songs we had at Wayne’s service came on: Hymn of Heaven and Holy Forever. I would never want Wayne to leave heaven to come back and suffer, but I’m selfish and I want him here with me. Anyway, a lot to process today. I’ll leave you with some of my favorite pictures from our trip, and that’s hard to say after seeing the redwoods and the ocean (you can look at the previous posts for those pictures).
We are all sad because this was our last In'n'Out on our trip. We found the very last one in Idaho.
We spent the night in Twin Falls and enjoyed some of the sights.
If you are ever in Utah, try Swig. It is a unique and fun experience.
My GPS took me over Teton Pass Highway, which was a pretty intense grade. We stopped at the top of the pass to take a picture.
God brought us some of the most beautiful views during our time in Wyoming. He answered so many prayers, including getting to see moose.
We took a nice long hike the second day in the Tetons. We actually missed a turn on one of our hikes, which added a couple miles, which I didn't mind. I could have hiked for hours because being in nature is my happy space.
We had a picnic lunch after our long hike. I decided since we had already hiked seven miles, I would do another hike and finish my half marathon in Wyoming. It was a little odd hiking alone, but then I discovered the peace and beauty around me was just what I needed.
Views along my hike. I hiked a trail that went along two lakes and the views were magnificent.
We took a tram up the mountain later that afternoon. We made it on one of the last trips up the mountain for the day. When we reached the top, we enjoyed a fresh waffle and hot cider/hot cocoa. We decided that was a great dinner.
Micaela and I did not go out on this ledge. It had see-through slats. No thank you!
Micaela and I drove around to try to find some moose and we came across the famous Mormon Row. I had to grab a picture of this famous barn. I literally rolled down my window and drove past the barn and snapped this beauty. It's kind of hard to mess up God's painting.
Micaela and I found a mama moose with twins. We heard people say they had seen male moose there earlier. We decided to come back the next day and see if we could spot any.
Two male moose!! A nice lady let us look through her binoculars. I failed to pack us binoculars for this trip.
The three kids with me were the same ones that went to China with me last year. While we were at the Great Wall, it poured the whole day, so we didn't get to take the slide down the mountain. Instead, we found one in Wyoming! I was not too pleased to find out we had to take a chair lift up to the slide, but I did it to prove to my kids that we can do hard things.
We spent the afternoon walking around Jackson enjoying some down time.
We rode in a stage coach. It was a little overpriced, but it was a fun experience. I know Wayne would have loved this, since his favorite movies were Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns. We even got to see a show on the street!
We all agree that the Teton National Park was our favorite on this trip. I feel like I need to visit Glacier again to see if it would still be my favorite after spending these wonderful days in Jackson. If you have never been, I would highly recommend visiting the Tetons.
Please pray for us as we navigate today. God is so good. He arranged for my next counseling session to be this afternoon. I think it will be good to process some of my thoughts and emotions with my counselor. I need to be as healthy as I can be so I can help my kids get through this. You can't serve from an empty cup. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers as we navigate this new journey. I’ll leave you with one of Wayne’s sermons on Ecclesiastes: Life is Unfair, and Then You Die.
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