Harder Family

Harder Family

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Update 11/15/23: Weary to Revived

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Yesterday, I was weary...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There were moments, between helping Wayne and enduring my own physical side effects of chemo, that I felt like I could barely lift my head or my prayers to the Lord. In those low moments, I knew I needed the prayers of others to help me through. I could not do it on my own. I reached out to a few people and asked them to storm heaven for me, because on my own, I just couldn't anymore. I felt completely broken. I told a friend that I was grasping at threads to cling to what I know about God because I was feeling alone and abandoned by Him. I also told her that I was done with God allowing this sifting in our lives. Notice I said allowing and not causing. God is good and cannot cause bad things to happen in our lives, but He does allow things to happen in our lives. If you aren't sure I'm speaking the truth, look at the story of Job. I have been reading his story again in my daily Bible reading. Out of the whole year, the story of Job "just happened" to be assigned during a time in my life where, unfortunately, I feel like Job. Thankfully, I did not have any friends that made my plight worse, but they encouraged me to keep clinging to Jesus, even when it was hard. 

Yesterday reminds me a lot of the story of Moses found in Exodus 17. The Israelites were in an intense battle with the Amalek people. Every time Moses raised his arms, the Israelites would win, but every time his arms dropped, they would start to lose. Aaron and Hur saw the struggle that Moses was experiencing and that he was tired. They came along side him and placed a rock under him. They then held up his hands to help the Israelites succeed in winning the battle with the Amaleks. What a beautiful picture of how God wants us to walk along side others who are struggling and help build them up! I truly believe that is what many of you did for me yesterday. You were my Aaron and my Hur! Your prayers carried me through one of my most difficult days!!

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus declares, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Your prayers helped me find rest and comfort in the arms of Jesus. I love that even though yesterday was so hard, dark, and heavy, today I can wake up renewed and restored to face another day...because His mercies are new every day! Lamentations 3:22-23 declares, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!" 

Did anything change in my circumstances from yesterday, no. The difference is that God has renewed my strength and my focus. I still have cancer, Wayne still has terminal cancer, Wayne still has a broken ankle that we have to make a decision about surgery or not, we still have to find doctors here in KY, and yet despite all of that chaos, God has given me such peace today. I know that I can trust Him and His plan, even if I don't understand it. God has been and always will be my rock and my shelter. Psalm 61:1-4 says, "Hear my cry, God; give Your attention to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever, let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings."

These quotes deeply spoke to me this morning:

"When you and I hurt deeply, what we really need is not an explanation from God, but a revelation of God. We need to see how great God is; we need to recover our lost perspective on life. Things get out of proportion when we are suffering, and it takes a vision of something bigger than ourselves to get life's dimensions adjusted again." Warren Wiersbe 

"If you can't see His way past the tears, trust His heart." Charles Spurgeon 


I finished writing the above section of my blog around 10 this morning. Little did I know what God had in store for me. 

Not long after I wrote this, my sister showed up with a huge surprise. She delivered a box full of birthday cards from so many of you, as well as some sweet packages. Thank you to each of you for making me feel so loved and making my day so special! God used each of you to remind me that He sees me and I’m loved. What a difference from yesterday where I felt unseen. 

On top of the special delivery, a special someone decorated my lawn with birthday wishes and someone else delivered 45 balloons! I also had a special visitor, someone I haven’t seen in a few years. Thank you Jennifer for dropping in and surprising me with a hug and beautiful flowers!! 

Another blessing was that I hardly had any nausea today, which was wonderful. It allowed me to indulge and have some special treats, like my birthday chai from Starbucks! 

That smile says how much I enjoyed my chai as I drove kids to counseling today. We absolutely love our counselor. She made a couple extra appointments for my kids given the news we received Friday. 

The day ended with watching a movie with Wayne while the kids were at church. I love this man so much! 

It was a great birthday! Maybe not how I planned to spend my 45th year on earth, but it was better then I could dream thanks to each of you! Thank you to everyone who made me feel loved and seen by God! You were His hands and feet to me.

One additional prayer request for the week: That God would provide the perfect team for Wayne’s treatments here in KY. I have a bunch of calls to make tomorrow. Please pray with me that we get things rolling for his treatments. 

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