Harder Family Adventures: Update 12/2/25: Shadow of Death

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me."

I, like many others, have found comfort in Psalm 23. The psalm is about how we do not have to fear because God is with us. His presence strengthens us and gives us hope in the valley. The shepherd's rod is a way to describe how the Lord protects, strengthens, and defends us against "predators". The rod describes how God rescues us from dangerous spots and guides/corrects us out of love. He will take care of us! And just like a shepherd knows how to take care of their sheep, God has our best interests in mind and takes care of us too.

The shadow of death, or as some Bible translations say darkest valley, can feel overwhelming and lonely, but there is no place to deep or dark that God isn't there.

The past few weeks have been filled with a myriad of emotions. We just celebrated Grace's marriage to Davis this past Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding and full of precious memories. I felt myself just stopping and trying to absorb all the core memories I could. I want to remember all these special moments because what is coming is terrifying and overwhelming. I want to stop time and somehow prevent what is coming. I have had moments of grief so deep that it has taken my breath away. In those moments, I cannot imagine what Jesus felt on that cross when He was separated from His Father because He took my sins upon His body. The grief that wells up in me sometimes has come out as deep groaning, as though my body doesn't know how to process the loss of Wayne. He has been my best friend since 1998. We got married young and grew up together. Most of my memories include him in them. It is hard to imagine my life without him...and yet, that seems to be the path that we are on. No matter how hard to want to stop the march toward his finish line, I cannot stop it.

Today, we signed papers with hospice for Wayne. We discussed it after the nurse left. We both know it was the right decision, but it felt like the last nail in the coffin (no pun intended). This is all new for us and we are trying to figure out how we navigate this together and guide our children through this difficult journey.

On top of the meeting with hospice, I had my follow up oncology appointment today. I decided to stop my immunotherapy. I only had 1-2 left, but I had some side effects last time and with all that is going on, I didn't want to go through that. Today just felt so overwhelmingly hard on so many fronts...not to mention I hate the cold and snow and it was both today.

Anyway, I could use extra prayers as we walk this hard road. I don't know what else to say at this point except the fact that we know God has this and is allowing this for some purpose. We are trying to find joy in the trial. I mean if Corrie and Betsy ten Boom could be joyful over fleas that kept the soldiers out of their barracks, we can find things to be joyful for in our trial as well.

Wayne and the hospice nurse discussing hospice and signing papers.

All of our medical care will be with hospice now, including contacting them if Wayne falls.

Abigail, Elijah and Ruth came and spent 10 days with us. It was such a refreshing time. Nothing like snuggling a baby to make life feel better.

Coffee date with Grace's friends the morning of the wedding at The Hall.

Wedding rehearsal and dinner at Davis' house...followed by a contra dance party. TI was freezing but the kids kept dancing!

Grace wanted Ruth as her flower girl, so Elijah carried her and threw the flowers. It made the wedding extra special and kept it light hearted.

Grace had friends from Chicago and Florida show up for the wedding.

2025 Thanksgiving with the family. We took our 4 generation photo too.

Shan really enjoyed holding Ruth! He makes a great uncle.

We had a family game night and enjoyed having all the kids under one roof again for a few days.

Wayne and Ruth taking a nap together.

Wayne decided to take all the kids on one more birthday date the last two weeks. He wanted to make one more special memory with them. Grace took Wayne to Panera for breakfast.

Grace and Davis went to Chicago to go to a wedding and had their own surprise wedding shower with friends in Chicago. Grace took him to her favorite places: Plush Horse and dish dish pizza.

The kids helped us set up our trees. We decided to put both up at the same time. One is our traditional tree and the other one is our Chinese New Year tree.

Wayne being silly. He was looking everywhere for his glasses and they were on his forehead.

Spending time talking to our friends from China with Wayne.

An outfit Shan bought Ruth when he was in Guatemala.

Shan and Wayne went to Indian (Tandor) for his birthday date.

Meeting with our palliative nurse and making the decision to move to hospice.

Wayne gave Joella her promise ring. Normally we do this at 16, but Wayne wanted her to have her ring.

Sophia and Wayne went to Chuy's for her birthday date.

Micaela chose Texas Roadhouse for her birthday date.

Joella chose Chick'fil'a for her birthday date.

Wayne took me to the movies and to Indian for a special date night. We are going out tomorrow to celebrate our anniversary a month early.

My friend, April, has been working out with me 3 days a week to prepare for the wedding. She kicks my butt!

We have lots of pictures like the one above these days. Lots of hugs and tears as we all process all that is going on.

Some pictures from Davis and Grace's wedding. These are just a sample of the amazing photos that were taken from this joyful day. I will post a whole post when we get her photos. Thank you to everyone who prayed for the wedding and Wayne...he successfully walked Grace up the aisle and we pulled off a wedding in 38 days!