My Rock

Today was one of the longest and hardest days of my life. After spending 15.5 hours at the hospital, I am utterly warn out-both physically and emotionally. Here is the verse that I am clinging to tonight as I go to sleep.

Psalms 62:5-8
"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8 Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Wayne was supposed to come home tonight with me. Unfortunately, not long after my last "update", Wayne thought he had a little seizure. The doctors weren't 100% sure it was that or just the affects of the anesthesiology medicine. Just minutes before we were about to leave, I went into the bathroom and when I came out, Wayne didn't look right. I asked him if he was okay and he was just muttering. At first I thought he was just playing and I told him that isn't a funny joke. I then realized he wasn't joking and he started shaking. I called for his nurse and had him lie down on the bed. I told him there was no way I was taking him home tonight. He already scared 10 years off my life with that one episode. They gave him a double dose of seizure medicine and are keeping him overnight to watch him. He hasn't had anything to eat except 4 crackers since dinner last night. After the two seizure episodes, he was told not to eat or drink anything more. It was hard leaving him at the hospital, but I knew he was in good hands.

Today, I really had to face reality. I think in some ways I've been in slight denial about all of the events. I mean, I haven't had time to really process what all of it means and the seriousness of it and Wayne looks perfectly normal. Today, that changed. Before they wheeled Wayne into surgery, it became real. When I had the surgeon come out into the waiting area, it became real. When I saw Wayne after his surgery, it became real. Finally, when I saw my big, strong husband, whom I love with all my heart. have a seizure before my eyes, it became real. The reality of our vows, "in sickness and in health" came to mind. I always knew there was a chance that one of us could get sick, but I figured that would happen later in life when we were old and gray. Facing something like this in our 30's with six little girls to think about, is not what I imagined. I'm still clinging to my rock, but today was an emotional struggle. I'm so thankful for the praise songs that I downloaded two weeks ago. What amazes me in all of this is how God has been orchestrating all these things in my life and I didn't even know what it was leading up to. Now I see the bigger picture and I'm in awe of how wonderful He is. The chorus that kept ringing through my mind as they were working on Wayne after his seizure was this, "Lord I need You, oh I need You. Every hour I need You. My one defense, my righteousness, of God how I need You."

I'm so thankful for not only the support of our family, but all of our friends as well. I was able to call a friend up at 10pm tonight on my way home from the hospital and ask if I could stop by and get a hug. I just needed to cry with someone and face the fact that as much as I'm trusting God and want to glorify Him, I'm also devastated. I'm sure I have many more tears to shed, but even in that, I know that God is sovereign and good. Psalm 56:8 says, "You put my tears in to Your bottle." God cares so deeply for me that He saves my tears in a bottle, He gives me songs to encourage my soul, and He gives me strength to face each day and each new thing that we will encounter on this journey. I am weak today, and I know there will be more days like this ahead. I find comfort in knowing this: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I will close with pictures from today. I can't wait to have this man back home with his family!