Update 9/15/23: Discouraging News

Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purposes.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord that goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave nor forsake you. Do not fear or be discouraged.”

Yesterday was a difficult day. Wayne was unable to come with me to my surgery since he was just ending chemo. He prayed a beautiful prayer with me before I left with my sister for the hospital. Both of my amazing sisters were there for me during this difficult day.

Surgery is not for the faint of heart. It is weird to fall asleep and lose 4-5 hours of your life. I could hardly stay awake for anything yesterday. I got home around 6:30 and went right to bed and slept until 8 this morning. 

My pastor stopped by and prayed with me before surgery. That helped calm my nerves a lot.

Unfortunately, yesterday did not go as planned. The surgeon ended up performing a radical hysterectomy after discovering some extra things that should not have been there. The cancer was not contained in my uterus and they actually found another mass in my lower pelvis. When the doctor called me today, she told me that my job is to heal up over the next few weeks. Then I will be receiving some scans and meeting with her and the radiologist for a plan. The radiologist seemed confident that the radiation could target the other mass they found. Chemotherapy isn’t off the table either until we learn more from the pathology. The doctor is concerned because the extra mass I have is rare. Leave it to me to be unique (including the fact that side effects of these cancers is losing weight, and that didn’t happen to me). 

Waking up and hearing that I had cancer other places made for some mental gymnastics. When I woke up during the night, I had to just pray until I fell asleep. If I’m honest, my first reaction was, “Lord, why? Why couldn’t it just be contained? This is so unfair” I had to listen to praise music to settle my restless brain. Let me tell you, the surrender to God’s sovereign plan is moment by moment right now. I want to scream and pitch a fit. This is so unfair for my kids! I want to be around to watch them grow up. But then I take a deep breath and remember that God is working all things out in my life. My days are numbered by Him, so this may just be an unfortunate hiccup in my life. That’s at least my prayer! 

It’s always been the my prayer that my life would point others to Jesus. As much as I don’t want to walk this road, if others see Jesus in me and follow Him, it will be worth all the pain and anguish. I know God will use this in our kid’s lives in order to help them grow deeper roots in Him. 

Bo was excited that I’m back home. He hasn’t left my side. I’m going to just bask in my kids over the next few weeks. We will enjoy every moment together before life gets crazy with appointments and treatments for me. 

Meanwhile, Wayne is slowly recovering himself from his last chemo dose two days ago. He’s doing his best to take care of me. I told him we are both a walking mess right now. 

Prayer Requests:

- Strength for Wayne as he recovers from chemo. My diagnosis has been super hard on him too. 

- Please pray for my recovery and that the doctors come up with a solid plan to treat this extra mass in my pelvis. 

- Pray that I don’t lose heart or grow weary. I feel the temptation to be angry and doubt right now. I don’t want to do that, I want to cling to the God that I know is faithful and true.

- Pray for our kids as they process this and watch both of their parents endure difficulties. 

- Praise: Wayne’s dads surgery went well and our friend Mary’s surgery went well (the doctor believes they got all the cancer they could see).