Monday, March 16, 2015


John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

On my commute home from seeing Wayne today, I was talking to my mom about the peace that we've experienced throughout this whole process. It is actually quite mind boggling when I think about it. I'm not the most emotionally expressive people, but I truly haven't felt the need to cry too much and feel sorry for myself. In fact, I was telling my mom that it feels almost like the story of Peter walking on the water. As long as I'm keeping my eyes on Him, I have this amazing peace that surpasses all human understanding (Phil 4:7). There have been a few times when I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and I've started to fret and worry about "what-if's". It is in those moments that I have experienced crazy emotions and distress. God reminds me in those places that He is always there for me and that worrying doesn't help me. The two verses that always come to my mind when I think about worry are these:

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." A great quote from Charles Spurgeon: "Anxiety doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."

This peace that we've experienced is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it before. I was reading an update about Kara Tippetts today. She is a lady dying of cancer who reached out to Brittany Maynard, who ultimately took her own life before cancer could, to give Brittany reasons to fight and not give up. Kara's husband posted today about the remarkable peace they've felt as they are experiencing death's door. Kara is on hospice and any day she may die, and yet their family has experienced the peace I am talking about. Her husband blogged about peace today in his post on their blog. It has been amazing to read Kara's journey with cancer and how God has used her situation to bring Him glory.

It may sound repetitious to you, but I have to keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time. If you start to think about all that has to happen and the long road ahead, it starts to feel overwhelming. Wayne told me from the beginning, when we started this journey, that we have to attack this like a difficult project at work. You don't see the huge project and get overwhelmed, you take a piece of the project at a time. The first step is done: surgery. We are into our second step: rehabilitation. The next step: radiation and chemo. There are so many unknowns at this time. I just have to remind myself, one day at a time. God has been faithful every step of this journey, to start doubting Him now would be crazy. 

Here is the most recent update on Wayne. He is still doing excellent in rehabilitation. I was blessed today to be with Wayne during his therapy. It was interesting seeing the different techniques they use to help him. For example, today in occupational therapy, they had a pile of Jenga blocks in front of Wayne. His task was to take the blocks and put them into the bucket. It would be easy for any of us, but for Wayne it is really hard work to make his brain connect the messages. Wayne is doing amazing walking. I was doing his laundry and I saw him pass me a few time walking like normal. His therapists are happy with his progress. 

Today was a beautiful day in Chicago. The sun was out, it was in the high 60s and the sky was blue. We were able to get permission to take Wayne downstairs and outside to experience a taste of Spring. It was wonderful to be outside with Wayne and just enjoy each other's company.

I got in touch with Dr. Chandler's nurse today and we are scheduled on March 24th to have the 52 staples removed. That same day we are scheduled to meet with Dr. Rizio, who is the neuro oncologist that works with Dr. Chandler. It will be interesting to hear the plan for the next step and hopefully get some questions answered. As I prepare my questions, I am reminding myself "one day at a time". I don't want to get overwhelmed with everything that "may have to be done for cancer". God keeps reminding me that He is in control and I just need to lean on Him to carry us through all of this. 

Here are some pictures from therapy today!!

I love this man!!! We all can't wait for him to come home to us.

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